tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-66608992909059392322023-11-15T09:15:56.295-08:00The Landlord's RevengeDinosaurhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02236746893999331016noreply@blogger.comBlogger32125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6660899290905939232.post-33781579461834372272012-12-06T19:00:00.001-08:002012-12-06T19:00:06.645-08:00Mothballs and The Soldering ShopWith every new building comes 'that tenant' and he (or she) usually nominates themselves pretty damn fast. I am not talking about the shit tenant or crackhead tenant or even the dirty tenants....I'm talking about the tenant that bitches about EVERYTHING. Lights are too bright in the hallways. I can hear the toilet flush from the person who lives above me. There was someone smoking on the sidewalk and the wind blew it into my window. It is not hot enough. It is now too hot in my apartment. Can you vacuum my baseboard heaters. The old manager didn't fix this. I pay $600 a month ($250 under-priced) for a premium apartment and I want it to be like Buckingham Palace. Lucky me, this was the first 'new' tenant I met.<br />
<br />
This guy has a list of complaints a mile long and feels the need to share it with me the second I meet him. He also feels the need to put me at #1 on his speed dial so he can remind me on a daily basis of things he wants me to deal with.....at lightening speed. Unfortunately for him, these 'issues' that he has are bottom of the barrel random maintenance problems that do not need to be fixed with any urgency. So, my phone is constantly ringing off the hook from this guy and the minute I step foot in the building he comes running. I guess I shouldn't feel too bad as he has the city police on speed dial too and apparently calls them if someone farts too loud to complain about noise.<br />
<br />
He lets me know his bathroom fan isn't working at perfection. I humour him, and get the hubby to pull it out and fix it thinking that if I do one thing on his list, he will shut the fuck up for a couple weeks. The problem is you can not buy parts for the old fan so you need to buy new part and modify them. This isn't an easy process and can take a couple hours. We tell him we will give him a call when we find the parts and its ready to go back in...expect a week or so.<br />
<br />
So, of course that does not satisfy him and he calls almost daily to ask about his fan. Finally, I have had it. He picks the wrong day when I am in the middle of dealing with five thousand other things to call again. "Hello Dino, this is xxx. I need to talk to you about another problem I have: silverfish". Now, silverfish a like to a housefly or spider. They are everywhere. Every building has them due to age and environment but there is no impact to life. I see them every so often in our bathtub at night, but they don't bite...munch on things like dust or drywall at such a low impact that is not noticeable. I roll my eyes as he goes on and on and on about these damn silverfish. He wants me to spray. Spraying is very expensive and usually doesn't solve the problem and usually you need to do a whole building which is a HUGE impact to the other tenants and the bank.<br />
<br />
My solution? I told him to buy mothballs. Do they work? Who knows...and really, who cares. What is my goal? To make his tiny-ass apartment stink of mothballs along with all his belongings. I told him to go to the dollar store and buy a couple boxes and sprinkle them around the place. He continues and asks about his damn fan. I explain to him again that it is being worked on and as the words are coming out of my mouth I am trying to think of some bullshit reason the hubby can't go put it in that second (you need to work yourself up to go work in his place). The fan is at the soldering shop! Yes, it is at the soldering shop to be modified and we will have it back in 2 days for installation. He is blown away by how seriously I have taken this fan-modification. I am brilliant.<br />
<br />
So now buddy is tickled pink sitting an apartment that REEKS of moth balls while his bathroom fan is in the soldering shop.<br />
<br />
Win for me!Dinosaurhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02236746893999331016noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6660899290905939232.post-30461773258051005212012-12-06T18:46:00.000-08:002012-12-06T18:46:21.693-08:00The Sad Sack<br />
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<span style="background-color: #b45f06; text-indent: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>So, we took over a
new building at the end of August that had a live-in caretaker. His contract
was terminated upon acquisition as there was no need for him once we were
present. He was given proper notice by the previous owners of the building and
we (new owners and us) decided to do the nice thing and allow him to stay for
the month of September for free. Although the guy had to go, I did feel a
little bad that he was losing his job and house within a month.</b></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: #b45f06; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b><o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: #b45f06; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>Sad Sack is in his
late 40s, maybe early 50s, boring, meek, a little slow, and all around
pathetic. He and I had a few interactions in the first few weeks to go over
some paperwork, collected building keys, and to discuss his future. I already
had an idea that he wasn’t the sharpest tool in the shed after having to pick
up the pieces of the pending arbitration case in the previous blog post so I
wasn’t expecting he would provide much help or information regarding the
function of the building and tenants within it. He has failed to sign tenancy
agreements with 21 out of the 28 units, ever given a proper notice, and
literally let the people living in the building do whatever they wanted to do.
I had no information on where people are parking, personal belongs were stuffed
all over the building, only a few phone numbers, people paying ridiculously low
rent, and a number of less-than-desirable people milling around.<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: #b45f06; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b> I started to probe Sad Sack in regards to his
future as I needed to know if I had to rent his apartment for the following
month. Every time, his answer was, “I don’t know. I haven’t really thought
about it”. Great. So I pushed him a
little. I needed him to make a decision: Stay, or Go. Stay and sign a proper
tenancy agreement at a rate that is at market value or give me your notice that
you are moving. <o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: #b45f06; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>He had phoned the
building owner behind my back to ask if he could stay on and work at the
building. Owner phones me to tell me about it and we have a bit of a chuckle.
What is it with these people thinking they can go over my head? My owners give
me carte blanche. I work hard and I am good at what I do. They love me. <o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: #b45f06; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>So I see him the
next day and gently remind him that I am at the top. You can’t go past me. I
have final say on everything. He shrugs his shoulders. I push him again, “What
are your plans?” It is now almost the end of the month so I am not going to be
renting the apt should he decide to leave last minute. I go over his options
again and he stares at me like I have a fucking horn growing out of my head. Do
you know how hard it is to have a conversation with someone who is clearly read
at a grade 4 level?<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: #b45f06; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>I ask him if he
wants to stay for October and pay rent so he can have more time to think. It is
hard to be a bitch to someone so pathetic. Fine. He pays, and I keep asking
what the plan is. Nothing. And, more nothing. I have had enough. I tell him,
“make the decision or I will do it for you.” “Do what you have to do then.” So
I draw up all the paperwork to give him a 1-month notice to end his tenancy
based on termination to his employment contract. Standing at his door, I ask
him one more time if he would like to sign an agreement and he said that he
needs more time….again. Yeah, that’s not going to happen. All of a sudden some
lady pops up from behind the door announcing that, “Mr. Sack is an intelligent
man and weighing his options.” I stifle my laugh and say, “umm, okay” as I look
around to seen half a dozen tenancy branch papers stacked on his kitchen table.
AWESOME! You are going to<i> try</i> to
fight this. I know my shit…he hasn’t got a leg to stand on. I hand him the
eviction papers and leave as I hate having to dumb-down my language for too
long when talking to people. <o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: #b45f06; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>I hear nothing for a
few weeks except a few tenants who have told me how creepy Sad Sack is and how
he just hangs out and stares at people. Our random interactions get less and
less friendly until I just ask, “So, Sad Sack…are we going to be dealing with
this in arbitration?” He says, “no” and I ask him if he phoned the branch to
clarify that everything I told him was legit and he needed to GTFO. He said,
“yes”, and I told him I am going to start showing his apt. <o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: #b45f06; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>Fast forward to a couple
days ago. End of the month time, his apt has been rented to a new tenant, and
he is packing when I run into him going into a closet that is ‘building’
property. I take a quick look at his keys and realize that he never surrendered
ALL the building keys back in Sept and that he still has a master key. Awesome.
I make note of it for when we have out final interaction. At check-out time I
was waiting around as he was slow (shocking) and running behind. I start to
inquire about keys, garage remote, forwarding address (in case I need to take
him to arbitration post-move out) and he starts to get an attitude. I am in no
mood. Grid and I have had a very intense last two months in our personal and
work lives and I am in no mood to deal with Sad Sack’s bullshit. <o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: #b45f06; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>He announces he is
not returning the garage remote without me handing him $40 right then and
there. That’s not how it works. I don’t give money out of pocket to tenants for
deposits they have paid for anything, especially without a receipt. They get a
proper cheque mailed to their forwarding address from the account for the
building. I tell him this and he says he isn’t giving it back if that’s the
case. I say “fine, do what you want” and I walk away. I am done. I have spent 3
months dealing with Sad Sack and his shit show. I am done being nice, feeling
bad for him, and dealing with the shitty tenants he rented to. So, I call my
henchman Gridlock. “Deal with this”. <o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: #b45f06; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>Grid flies down to
the building happier than a pig in shit as he loves this stuff. I take off to
do more building errands and eagerly await updates by text. After watching Sad
Sack dumb around for another hour, Gridlock finally tells him that’s enough, no
more, time is up, lets end this. <o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: #b45f06; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>Gridlock: “Alright,
Sad Sack, can I have the keys?”<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: #b45f06; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>Sad Sack hands over
the keys for the apt and lobby door.<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: #b45f06; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>Gridlock: “<i>All</i> the keys, Sad Sack. Dino saw you
with a master key the other day which, by the way, you were supposed to hand
over months ago and clearly didn’t.”<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: #b45f06; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>Sad Sack gives a
defeated look and hands over the keys as Gridlock says, “You really didn’t
think we’d let you keep those, did you?”<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: #b45f06; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>Gridlock: “And now,
the garage door remote”.<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: #b45f06; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>Sad Sack loses his
shit and refuses to hand it over. Apparently this is the sword he chooses to
die on- the fucking garage remote. He wants the $40…this is all bullshit…he
will take it with him…blah blah blah. Grid stand there listening and simply
says, “Sad Sack…you don’t really think I am going to let you walk out of here
with access to the building and compromising security seeing as you just tried
to steal the master key?!”<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: #b45f06; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>Silence.<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: #b45f06; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>Gridlock: “We have
actually treated you well”<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: #b45f06; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>Sad Sack: “BULLSHIT!”
and slams down the garage remote.<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: #b45f06; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>Gridlock: “Really!?
Let’s make sure we are crystal clear. We have not screwed you over. You lost
your job before we even took over the building. You were never part of the
plan. You were fired before we knew who you were and to BE NICE we allowed you
to stay rent FREE for a month to give you time to get things together. You took
advantage of that by doing NOTHING! We offered you to stay here as a tenant,
sign an agreement, and not lose your house. We gave you the offer to leave without official
30-day notice. We offered you every opportunity to make the choice and you did
not want to pay market value for the apartment. This isn’t a ‘bid your own rent’
building! It is a business. We didn’t push you out, you pushed yourself out.”<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: #b45f06; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>Sad Sack: “You
evicted me!”<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: #b45f06; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>Gridlock: “Don’t
think for one second that we evicted you. You evicted yourself. It was YOUR
choice. You have had 3 months and to show you that we are STILL being nice, it
is December 3<sup>rd</sup> and we are still standing here! You were supposed to
be out 3 days ago.”<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: #b45f06; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>Silence. He had
nothing to say. He can go on about how we were horrible and his crazy
lady-friend can sit there and feel bad for “Mr. Sack” while shooting me dirty
looks, but we don’t. We had no choice. I couldn’t allow anyone to live in a
building with no tenancy agreement and to have never paid a damage deposit. It
just can’t happen.<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: #b45f06; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>He grabbed the last
of his things and slowly slithered like the sad sack he is. At one point I did
feel bad for him but, he had every opportunity to avoid this. He had been
offered job at other buildings but never followed up. He never looked for
another apartment. He honestly just thought I would go away and have some
random person live in my building who had a set of master keys, access to
everyone and everything, and pay whatever rent he saw fit.<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: #b45f06; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>So, another one
bites the dust. </b></span><o:p></o:p></div>
Dinosaurhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02236746893999331016noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6660899290905939232.post-83234572491134733482012-09-28T20:04:00.001-07:002012-09-28T20:04:33.370-07:00Filthy F*ckers<br />
<br />
If there is a trend in our stories, its this: people keep a low profile and succeed for awhile at it, but eventually, your profile spikes, and I'm waiting for you. And suddenly, you are presented with your history in the building. And I can be incredibly detailed.<br />
<br />
And you move.<br />
<br />
They had been in the building for about 20 years. I honestly can't tell you when their brains moved out, but I think it was a long ass time ago. He is a weird looking guy-rather intense, but he was there enough to 'get it' so to speak. He noticed the changes in the building. He was asking questions in the direction of "my time here is limited". She was a fucking goner. Ding dong! Nothing's home upstairs. Honestly, I don't want to mock too far, as it may have been some type of industrial accident that caused brain damage instead of super powers. Ok, so that was mocking. Whatever, it might have been inbreeding, and I'm ok with that.<br />
<br />
One day, he stops and gets a concerned look on his face as he asks Dino, "hey, you were an archaeologist, right?"<br />
<br />
"Yeah"<br />
<br />
"so, what are your thoughts on the lost city of Atlantis?<br />
<br />
Oh shit buddy. We just had to add you to the ABM list. Done. There's no coming back from that.<br />
<br />
Sidebar: The ABM List.<br />
<br />
ABM stands for "Always Be Moving" Actually pre-dates the buildings, as I invented the term when I met an old neighbor at a dumpy building and she had no teeth and would start going off on any old story that seemed important to her. So basically, if you are always moving, they can't pin you down and ask you random crap.<br />
<br />
She did the finances for the pair, and after living here for 20 years, do you think she'd ever be able to fill out a check without an error? Not once. She knew to initial everything, but you'd see a little "FF" on every check. The change in year would throw her off until June.<br />
<br />
June.<br />
<br />
Oh, and they smell. Did I mention that? In three years, I never figured out what the cause of the smell was. As, I could ever so subtlety say, "Hi! Great to see you. Well kind of. While we are having a conversation about general items, would you mind upping your shower regimen to twice a month?" or perhaps, "hey! Have you heard of the Crest line of teeth care products?" or even a "Hey! You are the 1 millionth person to enter the front door. Here's a bottle of Mr.Clean. Directions are on the bottle. Oh yeah, that is super nice of me. It was completely random." But I never figured it out. It just smelled like...them. And it was bad.<br />
<br />
I should also mention that their apartment looks like a flop house. They've trashed the floors, the walls are gross and dirty-just bad.<br />
<br />
So, already, and I don't know if this is coming across...I wouldn't shed a tear if they left.<br />
<br />
So smelly dumb folk. And that's the way it went. Then they got bedbugs.<br />
<br />
Oh yay! Smelly dumb people with a pest control problem. F'ing brilliant.<br />
<br />
So we sprayed, and then a neighbor got bedbugs. Check their apartment again, and yes they have them.<br />
<br />
So we sprayed again, and then another neighbor got bedbugs. Checked their apartment and found them...again.<br />
<br />
Their sofa, which was now the primary choice for sitting, eating, and sleeping, was teaming with them.<br />
<br />
And they said they never saw anything. At this point, I'm furious. So the plan was put in motion. In a vote of 4-2, they were to be evicted from the Big Brother House.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://static.tvguide.com/MediaBin/Galleries/Shows/A_F/Bi_Bp/Big_Brother/season10/big-brother10-chen42.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="208" src="http://static.tvguide.com/MediaBin/Galleries/Shows/A_F/Bi_Bp/Big_Brother/season10/big-brother10-chen42.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
So I go in, and I tell them, again, that they have bedbugs. I tell them that their sofa is full of them. Furthermore, the last pest guy told them explicitly that they needed to get rid of the sofa.<br />
<br />
"Well, we can't really afford to go and buy a bed, but if you say we need to get rid of the sofa, then we'll get rid of it"<br />
<br />
"Well, at this point, you can do whatever you want. Because I'm done. We aren't spraying this apartment anymore with you in it. You have two options. One, I can evict you, and I have that form right here prepared. You can choose to fight it, but please be aware that I don't do these things lightly. And I'm very good at what I do. I will win. At that point, anyone that calls for a reference will be told why exactly you are leaving, that it is an eviction, and that it is for non-compliance with bedbug eradication procedures. That will make your apartment search...exhaustive.<br />
<br />
Or, you can choose to leave, at which point, I'll feel compelled to say that you gave notice to leave, and we'll end the conversation there."<br />
<br />
It only took me 5 minutes to have a signed letter in my hands. I guess they got it after all.<br />
Gridlockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00100962088560260738noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6660899290905939232.post-1753012811637197922012-09-14T22:10:00.003-07:002012-09-15T09:41:01.357-07:00The Record Holder<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b style="background-color: #b45f06;">When we take over a new building, it usually takes a few months for the problem tenants to nominate themselves to the shit-list...in this case, it only took 8 hours.</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b style="background-color: #b45f06;"><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b style="background-color: #b45f06;">We took possession of the building on the 31st of the month. That day was mostly spent meeting with the ex-building manager, looking over paperwork, handing out notices, meeting tenants, collecting keys, and general 'switch over' duties. I had also heard that there was a pending arbitration case with the tenancy board, so I made sure that all the paperwork and information was correct as I would be taking over the case.</b></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b style="background-color: #b45f06;">It was a simple case; tenant made partial payment for rent 2 months prior and had not paid rent since. The previous manager had told me this guy was a 26 year old self-entitled punk who had several noise complaints against him on top of not paying rent, and loved to confront his neighbours when they complained. Awesome. I had all the info that I needed and within the next few days was going to make contact with him to let him know I was taking over the case and to 'feel' him out. Fortunately (or, unfortunately), about 4 hours after acquisition, he phoned me. Right off the bat, I could tell that the previous managers description of him was pretty damn accurate. He tried to control the situation, talked a lot of shit about the old manager, told me random irrelevant stories about the building, him being 'friends' with everyone, and, of course, the reason he 'refused' to pay rent: he claimed that the old manager had entered his apartment without permission and he was withholding it to prove a point....ya, whatever.</b></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b style="background-color: #b45f06;">I gave him a proposal: Come up to date with his outstanding rent and pay rent the following day (the 1st) for the next month's rent and I would wipe the slate clean. It should be noted that taking over an arbitration case is never a good thing, especially when the previous manager is a fucking idiot (and this guys was a MAJOR fucking idiot). You need to put a lot of faith in the fact that it was done correctly...papers were served correctly, forms were filled out properly, and that the claim is actually valid. I was on the fence about taking over the case, but really did not have another choice as it had already been filed. </b></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b style="background-color: #b45f06;">He had told me over and over that money was not the issue, he was rolling in money, and it WAS just to prove a point. I HIGHLY recommended that he take my proposal as he really did not have a case. A judge was literally going to ask him one question: did you pay rent? He says, "no", and the case is closed. He said he would think about it. Conversation went fairly well, I could tell the dude LOVED to talk and he very much thought he was right. I reiterated the fact that I run building very differently and that any problems he had with past managers, he would not have with me.</b></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b style="background-color: #b45f06;">Later that night, my phone rings. It is the tenant next to him who tells me that buddy next door has his music cranked and will not turn it down. He continues to tell me his ongoing issues with they guy...I listen...attempt to mitigate...tell him I'll take care of it. I phone buddy for a 'friendly' "Hey! How is it going? I have had some complaints about music, would you mind just turning it down a bit...its a wood frame building...noise travels...blah blah blah". Yeah. Not so much. Dude literally loses his shit within 2 seconds of me talking. He is talking in circles about people in the building, "his rights", the asshole ex-manager, the dude down the hall who has people over some times, etc...literally anything he can think of to complain...like, shit that happened months ago. Clearly this guy is drunk/high as he is slurring his words and just going nuts. It escalates and turns into him swearing at me and calling me names (which, honestly, never effects me) and telling me to call the cops because, "they won't care because I am friends with them". Ya dude, I'm sure you are.</b></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b style="background-color: #b45f06;">I hang-up on him as I am starting to lose my cool and call the neighbour back. I tell him to call the cops if it continues, explain the upcoming court case, and ask him to be patient. Two mins later I get a call from another tenant telling me that buddy is in the hallway screaming and pounding on doors. There goes my night.</b></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b style="background-color: #b45f06;">I get to the building in about 5 mins and confront him. Now, although I have talked to the dude on the phone, this is my first time seeing him. A 5'2" little tattooed roid monkey answers the door. I try my best not to laugh. We start going at it, him circling again, tells me he is a boxer, and trying to direct the conversation. He calls me arrogant, a fucking bitch, condescending, and anything else he can manage to put together in his coked out drunk stupor. The whole thing literally ends with him telling me he is going to win in court, he is never going to leave, I am wrong, he knows everything, then he tries to start a physical fight with someone else who was there, and then finally he retreats to his apt. I tell everyone to phone the police should he start again.</b></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b style="background-color: #b45f06;">I hear nothing for days and soon the court date is upon us. I half expect him to not show, but he does in all his cocky self-entitled glory. I can tell from the get-go that buddy thinks he has this nailed down, no problem, he is going to win. Oh, how deluded they can be some times. Case lasts about 10 mins with the one question asked by the judge: did you pay? "no". That was pretty much it...he got pretty agitated while trying to bring up irrelevant shit and the judge shut him down pretty quickly and practically called him an idiot. Again, it was hard not to laugh. Judge rules an order of possession that takes effect 48 hours after it arrives in the mail. I debate contacting him to see what he is planning on doing. I fully expect him to continue the fight, as he is totally "right". Turns out, hours after the judge ruled, he packed up all his shit quietly and slipped out like the little pussy he is. He even cleaned the apartment.</b></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b style="background-color: #b45f06;">Made my job easier. If it wasn't for the fact that he is the record holder for putting himself on the shit-list within 8 hours of taking over the building, this dude would have been easily forgettable. It did make for some immediate entertainment though.</b></span>Dinosaurhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02236746893999331016noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6660899290905939232.post-66984364620814003312012-07-16T13:21:00.002-07:002012-07-16T13:22:39.459-07:00It's The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year...<span style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><b style="background-color: #b45f06;">That's right folks! It's apartment inspection time!</b></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><b style="background-color: #b45f06;">We try to do this once a year to discourage monthly/weekly/daily complaints about non-emergency or random maintenance problems like a closet sticking or a small drip from a faucet. We group issues together and knock down the list when we are slow. To be honest...we don't really care. Let's be honest, the fact your closet doesn't open smoothly enough for you liking has no impact on my life....having a meth lab in your closet does. </b></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><b style="background-color: #b45f06;">We are in the middle of a losing battle: tenants smoking pot in the building. Everyone gets the same speech. We don't want to see it, smell it, or suspect it. Go for a walk. A long walk. I don't want to stand on my balcony and see you standing on the sidewalk below rocking is like you are at a Grateful Dead concert. This shit is still illegal, it stinks, and it affects your neighbours. So, in the last few months, the smell of pot has increased. Solution? Inspection under the guise of looking for maintenance problems. Go us!</b></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><b style="background-color: #b45f06;">The downfall of not being totally honest with our tenants about the reason for this inspection are the laundry lists left for us or verbalized TO us as we enter everyone's apt. About 70% of our building are people that we have put in. They are, for the most part, in their late 20s and early 30s, professional, clean, responsible, respect us, and are all sitting in renovated apartment. None of them have any complaints or maintenance issues and none of them were suspected of doing any illegal activities in their suites. We go in, shoot the shit, reiterate the drug policy of the building and move on. These people are a pleasure to deal with and are desirable to all building/property managers. As for the remaining 30%? Not so much.</b></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><b style="background-color: #b45f06;">Everyone seems to think that the Gen-X or Gen-Y, or even the Gen-Z, generations are full of whiny, needy, selfish people who blame everyone else for their problem. I am not going to totally deny that, but in our experience, these people are great renters. If we are sticking with this gen-alphabet scenario, Gen-W (currently aged 40-50...maybe 55) renters are self-entitled whiny bitches. They tend to drink a little more, don't seem to have a problem with doing laundry in their underwear, don't understand this thing called a 'computer', and their biggest thrill in life is solving the final puzzle on Wheel Of Fortune every night. They all pay below market value (an entirely different problem), have shitty furniture, and none of them appear to own a mop and bucket.</b></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><b style="background-color: #b45f06;">These people leave is lists of complaints! Like....lists and lists. You name it, it is on it. Shit that they fucked up themselves is on there - yes, one tenant who decided to paint their walls got paint on their ceiling...I guess that is my problem now. There were complaints that the flooring is not even (the building has settled since it was built 50 years ago)! Yes....let me get on that for you...let me re-level the building's foundation so you can continue to pay $800/month for your apartment ($350 below market value)! Along with these absurd issues, some tenants seem to think that it is our responsibility to clean their apartment. We had 3 tenants (within that 30%) tell us that their curtains are dirty...either from cat hair (their cat) and/or dust/grime (from them not cleaning). Adding to this, one tenant told me that her oven needs to be replaced because it is dirty. Umm, every heard of oven cleaner, honey? It brings me great joy to crack out, "actually, it is the responsibility of the tenant to clean and maintain a level of cleanliness of their rental unit". Why would someone ever think that I would spend my time cleaning THEIR place? It is always someone else's fault as to why they live in filth. </b></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><b style="background-color: #b45f06;">So, once we wade through trivial items like those above, we look for anything that may be related to smoking pot. Lighters, small clumps of ashes, ashes around windows, incense, small snips or scissors, rolling papers, pot grinders, etc. Second apartment in, JACK-POT! Sitting there in the living room next to the couch in a little ashtray and nice little fat roach. Quick smell to confirm....YUP, that's a roach. It should be noted, this tenant hates us...she has been previously blogged about. I can't even express to you how excited we are to get to talk to her about it. She walks around the building thinking the sun shines out of her ass. The previous manager (who has also been blogged about) use to treat her like a fucking queen. No clue why. She pays her rent at 11:59pm on the 1st, her apt looks like a over-stuffed junk/thrift store, and the bitch is rude. The convo was epic...you could see it in her eyes when her stomach dropped and her ass clenched. She does not wear the shade of grey she turned all that well. </b></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><b style="background-color: #b45f06;">So far....7 days since the inspection and we are looking good. Our bedroom no longer fills up with pot smoke every night at midnight and no more complaint about the smell from our tenants. The bitch tenant has also seemed to have a change of heart towards us and now understands that no matter how much of a cunt she is, we will always win. Obedience breeds victory.</b></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><b style="background-color: #b45f06;">There are a few things I have realized doing this job (and specifically conducting inspections). 1.) So many people live in filth! I'm not talking about not doing your dinner dishes from the evening before, or missing that weeks vacuuming/bathroom cleaning routine or having a full laundry basket....I'm talking about plain old disgusting filth. Splatter marks on the walls, dust as thick as a carpet under your dinner table, cat fur stuck to EVERYTHING, not sleeping on bed sheets or having pillows without cases, food on the floor, moldy McDonald's cups, moldy shower curtains, piss on the floor around the toilet, etc. 2.) Some choose the most ridiculous things to bitch about. You don't like the tile on you kitchen floor, but are okay with having a molding fish tank full of dead fish. Or, we are standing in the middle of this shit-hole flop house and you are talking to me about your curtains. Does not compute. 3.) The less rent you pay...the more likely you are to bitch. I can't explain this one. I don't get it. 4.) Bed frames no longer appear to be a popular piece of furniture. SO MANY people sleep on a mattress on the floor. Metal bed frames are, like, $50. Go buy one. This will help you avoid pests like bedbugs. 5.) Some people have no shame. Highlight: a perfectly made bed with gigantic cums stains. Hot. We don't call him Charlie Sheen for nothing.</b></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span>Dinosaurhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02236746893999331016noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6660899290905939232.post-40022892499365362492012-07-10T11:28:00.002-07:002012-07-10T11:28:36.659-07:00Stupid Girl<span style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><b style="background-color: #b45f06;"><br class="Apple-interchange-newline" /><span style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;">So we have this woman, that's a hiiint of an alcoholic. By hint, I mean 'way'. But functional. Well, except our first week on the job when she was escorted home by police. Functionality is a sliding scale. She was never quite bad enough to be on the hitlist. </span><br style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;" /><br style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;" /><span style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;">So, a year goes by and she complains about little things and is kind of annoying, but whatever. Then, we start seeing this strange dude huffing and puffing his way through the halls. </span><br style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;" /><br style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;" /><span style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;">No sooner do we get an anonymous letter under the door. </span><br style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;" /><br style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;" /><span style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;">Oh yeah. This guy used to live here. Oh! This guy was busted smoking crack in the laundry room. Hot. </span><br style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;" /><br style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;" /><span style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;">So down we go for a little conversation. We are informed that he doesn't live here, and understand that there is a process he'd have to go through in order to do so. </span><br style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;" /><br style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;" /><span style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;">Over the next months, we monitor his activity, and it does indeed look like he lives here. But please keep in mind, I'm too stupid to notice. :rolleyes:</span><br style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;" /><br style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;" /><span style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;">So finally a few months ago, my partner in crime sees him having small talk with another building loser. He's fumbling for his keys and the other guy says, "oh, you live here, its cool" as dino walks by and says,</span><br style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;" /><br style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;" /><span style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;">"well thats a bit of a question now, isn't it?"</span><br style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;" /><br style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;" /><span style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;">So today, we are in the lobby, and out of the corner of my eye I see him at the front door...but then I don't. It hits me to go to the back door. And I see him...then I don't. </span><br style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;" /><br style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;" /><span style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;">I think to myself, "Oh dude, you are shitting me!"</span><br style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;" /><br style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;" /><span style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;">So I busy myself in the car for a sec, and then go inside, then go back out and I see him hobbling around the corner and then turn around again. </span><br style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;" /><br style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;" /><span style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;">Once again, to myself I ask, "what the fuck is this?"</span><br style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;" /><br style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;" /><span style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;">Now, I must stop for a second. I did well in school. I went to post-secondary. I had a promising career before quitting it to work for myself. I'm not going to be a member of mensa, but I can hold my own at a dinner party. I guess what I'm saying is, I'm not an idiot and can realize that someone doing this: </span><br style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;" /><br style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;" /><span style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;">THREE fucking times is fucking bullshit. </span><br style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;" /><br style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;" /><span style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;">And I HATE bullshit. I think I hate it more than anything else. I'd actually have more respect for someone saying they gambled their rent money on a nigerian business scheme that promises amazing results more than a bullshit lie. I would like to see the lie that's better than that, but I respect honesty. </span><br style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;" /><br style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;" /><span style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;">So, we continue to the grocery store, and I'm fuming mad. </span><br style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;" /><br style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;" /><span style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;">And when I'm fuming mad...I like resolution. </span><br style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;" /><br style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;" /><span style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;">So we get home and I knock on the door. </span><br style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;" /><br style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;" /><span style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;">me"hey, your boyfriend home?" </span><br style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;" /><span style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;">them"yeah, just a second"</span><br style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;" /><br style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;" /><span style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;">It was way more of a second as they were questioning inside just what the fuck I was there for. So he comes out. </span><br style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;" /><br style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;" /><span style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;">me"hey! what was that display downstairs earlier?" </span><br style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;" /><span style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;">Dumbfounded look</span><br style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;" /><span style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;">me"oh, you know, where you were trying to avoid me? Why were you trying to avoid me?"</span><br style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;" /><span style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;">and silence. </span><br style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;" /><span style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;">silence</span><br style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;" /><span style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;">and silence</span><br style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;" /><span style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;">them"Well, I don't like you" </span><br style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;" /><span style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;">Good fucking answer! You are like the best at digging your self out of a bad situation. </span><br style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;" /><span style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;">me"And why is that?"</span><br style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;" /><br style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;" /><span style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;">And stop. I stand there. In silence, waiting for his mind to produce the next glimmer of excellence. </span><br style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;" /><br style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;" /><span style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;">In order for me to have dinner at some point tonight, I finally let him off that hook. </span><br style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;" /><br style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;" /><span style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;">me"Let me help you out. Is it because you've been living here for the last year, and you know that we are on to you? Is it because you didn't want me to see you using a set of keys to my building that I did not provide? Could that be it? Because I'm a little curious of how you could not like me seeing as I know you don't even know me. The reason I know you don't know me is I certainly don't know you. And that is a problem, because as we have established, you've been living in my building."</span><br style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;" /><br style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;" /><span style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;">You want to see a stunned, deer in headlights look in a human? Rattle that off in their face. I have a skill...I can motherfucking talk...fast. And I continue with the death kill: </span><br style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;" /><br style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;" /><span style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;">me"So how do you like me now?" </span><br style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;" /><br style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;" /><span style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;">So they tell me I'm wrong. He doesn't actually live here. </span><br style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;" /><br style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;" /><span style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;">Ok. </span><br style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;" /><br style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;" /><span style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;">me"Where do you live?"</span><br style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;" /><span style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;">them"Burnaby" </span><br style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;" /><span style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;">me"Cool. That narrows it down. Can i have an address?"</span><br style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;" /><br style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;" /><span style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;">And here is the kicker that does it in...</span><br style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;" /><br style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;" /><span style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;">them"Well, who are you going to report it to?" </span><br style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;" /><br style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;" /><span style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;">This becomes very important in the after action analysis. </span><br style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;" /><br style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;" /><span style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;">The conversation continues, and boils down to the following. You have options: </span><br style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;" /><br style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;" /><span style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;">1. He fills out an application, goes through the same credit check/reference check as everyone else. Approval is not guaranteed. We also amend your rent as its no longer single-occupancy. </span><br style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;" /><span style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;">2. You move-one way or another :troll: </span><br style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;" /><br style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;" /><span style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;">OR YOU TELL ME AN ADDRESS WHERE HE FUCKING LIVES!</span><br style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;" /><br style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;" /><span style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;">I leave them with..."I'm home all evening and would like an answer" </span><br style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;" /><br style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;" /><span style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;">So, at this point...I've basically handed you the answer. Why do I do this? Because I would feel as guilty as punching a blind man otherwise. Lie to me! Make up a fucking address. I'll still prove that you lied, and if you still don't like me after that, then I don't know what I can do. At least I get to work on it. A project if you will. The internet is an all knowing place filled with wondrous information. And I was a little bit looking forward to slapping you in the head with it. </span><br style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;" /><br style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;" /><span style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;">But about 20 minutes later she's now at my door. Cool. I don't usually like conducting business at my door, but the guy across the hall could use a reminder of what I'm capable of, so I let it slide. </span><br style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;" /><br style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;" /><span style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;">them"You know, this is ridiculous. He doesn't live here" </span><br style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;" /><span style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;">Oh shit. The record is skipping again. </span><br style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;" /><span style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;">me"You know, he admitted that he does. And if he lives somewhere else, all I need is an address." </span><br style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;" /><span style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;">them"Well, he doesn't have anything here, just his clothes" </span><br style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;" /><span style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;">Oh. This helps. </span><br style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;" /><span style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;">me"His clothes, so he does live here" </span><br style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;" /><span style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;">them"no, he just stays here" </span><br style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;" /><span style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;">I could still be circling through the conversation now if I wanted to be, but I had to cut it short. I say,</span><br style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;" /><br style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;" /><span style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;">"First don't make that face at me, my eyes are right here. Next, your options are (what was listed above) so why don't you go back downstairs and put some effort into your story and get on the same page. Come back up when you have something credible. I still want an answer tonight, because as mentioned, you've been pulling this shit off for a year, and it ends one way or another tonight." </span><br style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;" /><br style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;" /><span style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;">She called back in 10 minutes and gave her notice. </span><br style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;" /><br style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;" /><span style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;">Sidebar: The "who ya gonna report it to" comment</span><br style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;" /><br style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;" /><span style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;">It took us a few minutes to realize what was happening. I'm not sure on the specifics, but can assume that seeing as I barely see anyone work that someone is getting government checks...checks that might stop, or be decreased because of the new living arrangement. </span><br style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;" /><br style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;" /><span style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;">So we can't have me pissed off, or asking questions and we certainly can't do a credit check. </span><br style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;" /><br style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;" /><span style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;">So instead, to continue the scam, we lose our house. </span><br style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;" /><br style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;" /><span style="color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: left;">Hope its worth it.</span></b></span>Dinosaurhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02236746893999331016noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6660899290905939232.post-51047658335640744902012-06-24T09:00:00.000-07:002012-06-24T09:00:05.189-07:00Happy Mother's Day!<span style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><b style="background-color: #b45f06;"><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">She was nice, clean, quiet, and a single mother of a 1-2 year old son. She moved into one of our good un-renovated one bedroom apartments and we forgot that she was there until about 4-5 months into her tenancy. It first started with a late payment of her rent. Okay…not a huge deal, sometime it happens. Then it happens again a few months later…and then again a few months later. We gave warning letters, talked to her, and then started to issue “10-day pay to stay” notices.</span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">Now, usually people like this would not stick around very long, but we don’t like to kick tenants out right away who have children. Call it stupid, or say we are push-overs, but it is hard to do especially when you know their resources are limited. We knew her day would come so there was no rush.</span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">Her late rent (1-2 days) became more frequent and we noticed that she was not around as much. She told us that she was spending more and more time with her baby-daddy so I made the decision to strike next time she was late.</span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">We had received a call on our intercom phone from the police at the front door on Mother’s Day. “Hi, it’s the police, can you let us in the building”. I buzz them in and we quickly put out shoes on to go walk through the building to find out where they are going. Now, police coming to the building isn’t entirely rare. Every few months we get a call like that and they are usually here to serve someone some papers or to get a statement from a tenant who has witnessed something (always boring reasons). By the time we walked the building, they were gone. Whatevs.</span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">An hour later it happens again…okay, random. We do the walk again and get to the third floor and hear them banging on this chicks door. No answer. They leave. I go out on our deck and look down to see 3 police cars and 4 officers milling around the front of the building….good thing I was not showing any suites that day. We hear fragments of a conversation between them talking about “beat-up pretty bad” “assault” “not home”, etc… They call us again to enter the building, knock again, no answer, call her, no answer, then asked us what car she drives, and when does she usually come home, etc. They leave.</span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">An hour later (again) we notice that she is home and shortly after the cops are back. They buzz, we let them in and I run downstairs and hide behind the firedoor to eavesdrop. “You are under arrest for assault and battery”. Cool. Child is scream, she is crying, I have my ear plastered to the door. Now probably isn’t the best time to let our presence be known.</span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">The whole situation took over and hour as they had to phone CPS to take the child (that was not fun to watch). We had a birds-eye view of the whole ordeal as we stood on our deck watching her get carted away in the back of the cop car hand-cuffed. </span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">We issued her an eviction notice the next day. Happy Mother’s Day!</span></b></span>Dinosaurhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02236746893999331016noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6660899290905939232.post-49176707374425101202012-06-23T09:00:00.000-07:002012-06-23T09:00:00.028-07:00Yes, We Actually DO Have Good Tenants<span style="color: #222222; font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace; font-size: x-small;"><b style="background-color: #b45f06;">Here are a couple:</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace; font-size: x-small;"><b style="background-color: #b45f06;"><br /></b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><b style="background-color: #b45f06;"><span style="color: #222222; font-size: x-small;">Tenant 1:</span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">Two of the buildings are our main priorities so to speak. There is the flagship which is where we live, and mini-me down the road. Owned by the same people and both are under the same system. They were neglected for years, so as apartments come available, they get re-done. I personally put a butt load of work into them. </span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">And then I hand it off to a tenant, and hold my breath. Did we do well? </span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">Well, with the three horsemen, we did well. </span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">The first time it happened, I'm not gonna lie, I could have shed a tear. She had moved in, and unpacked. I went in to grab some papers, and it literally looked like I had designed the apartment for her furniture. NOw, I know-I technically designed the apartment template that I use for everyone's furniture, but go with it. </span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">It looked incredible! Designer furniture and a nice imac in the corner. My favorite part was there was a closet that I actually put a bit of work into. It had been set up as a pantry closet with a lot of shelves, and I had taken them all out, painted them all white and had the wall color in behind. She opens it and had turned it into a shoe closet-almost like "thanks! I AM going to put that effort to use and turn it into a display closet, instead of dumping some cans of spagettios in there"</span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">At the other building, there were two guys that moved in that had the same thing. Nice furniture that blended so well with the colors we chose and their apartments are spotless. </span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">It really impresses me that people want to choose this apartment, as opposed to just any one that will do because they appreciate the details, the workmanship and the materials. </span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">Tenant 2</span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">She annoys me sometimes, but not for the usual reasons. She is always friendly, and really understands that there is a difference between conversations regarding work, and just conversations between us. </span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">She was our first really good tenant, and has lived here for 2 years. Her problem is, she really needs someone to guide her through life-because man, she does some crazy shit sometimes. </span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">She has actually called and had to ask us to go in her place to turn the oven off-twice. What? </span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">Car was going to be towed for parking on the street without insurance. What? </span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">It goes on and on. </span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">But here is the thing-she is always, ALWAYS appreciative of help. I can't remember what I did, but she came to our place that evening with a big thing of food for me. That wasn't even required, as a sincere thank you is more than I get from other people. </span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">I do get really annoyed with the attitude of, "well, its your job-so get on it" </span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">Ok. Well, in MY job</span><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">S</span><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;"> on any given day I am behind. I wake up in the morning and I'm already late for work, and probably behind schedule. </span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">So that's what I find on the list of the great people, which is increasing with every rental. They understand that I'm busy, and they appreciate when I stop my thing to help them out. </span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">Compared to another person that FUCKING HATES ME, when she has an issue in her apartment, its awkward AS FUCK to be in there, I get this feeling that its my fault that the problem happened in the first place and its never enough. </span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">She needed a plug replaced. OK. Easy job. Then she starts talking that all of them really should be replaced. Yeah, and I'm sure I can paint it out while I'm here, gut the bathroom and hose out your kitchen too. </span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">Fuck off-with a smile!</span></b></span>Dinosaurhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02236746893999331016noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6660899290905939232.post-86837161042048820702012-06-22T09:00:00.000-07:002012-06-22T09:00:04.207-07:00One Hit Wonders<span style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><b style="background-color: #b45f06;"><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">This is for all the people that aren't worth a story of their own, but comical none the less. </span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><u style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">What Did You Say to M...</u><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">This guy will definitely warrant a story, but I'm refraining from posting about current people. But this is just too funny. </span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">Background: This guy takes a lot of effort. He borrows shit, borrows toilet paper to take a shit, complains about everything(there is one thing, but its too specific to his identity but trust me, you would roll your eyes-oh fuck it-he complained the popcorn texture on his ceiling was causing a large amount of dust. W.T.F?)</span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">He's having a conversation with Dino-just run of the mill small talk which I swear is at the level of working in a bar the amount of useless talking we do. Mentions an issue with something that actually is legitimate. Before Dino can finish the sentence of, "yeah, I know, we are having problems getting someone in to fix it..." he turns around in a huff and walks away. </span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">Dino tries to let it go, but then hears his front door slam shut in a rage. </span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">Tries to let it go again, and then finally drops what she's doing and knocks on the door. Cuts him off before hello, I'm sorry can pass his lips and tears him a new one: </span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><i style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">I don't want to hear it. Any of it. I'm officially done with your shit show. You complain about everything, you are rude to me and we have bent over backwards to try to work with you. In fact, you owe Grid a huge thank you, because if it wasn't for him, I would have had your ass out of this building months ago. </span></i><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">Then she turns and walks away. He apologized later and we have yet to see if his demeanor changes. </span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><u style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">Sex</u><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">Had to talk to a newer couple about the loudness, and frequency of their sexual relations. Complaints were coming in from all over the building. A guy was dying, and still took time to complain. </span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">Always wondered why she was so chipper in the morning. </span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><u style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">Drugs</u><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">One guy had left his small time dealer operation set up in the kitchen during a scheduled inspection-including scale and baggies with burned roaches in the living room. </span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">He ended up living in the building for a total of 30 days. </span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">Victory is life.</span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><u style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">and Tears</u><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">Awkward time when a woman you barely know is crying on your shoulder. </span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">Oh, and...</span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><u style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">Porn</u><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">One dude had a basket of 80's porn mags in his bedroom when he wasn't there and we were doing an inspection. </span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">Enough said.</span></b></span>Dinosaurhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02236746893999331016noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6660899290905939232.post-79627211170938366702012-06-21T09:00:00.000-07:002012-06-21T09:00:07.616-07:00Lovers(In a Dangerous Time)<span style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><b style="background-color: #b45f06;"><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">I love watching people live their lives, and there is a certain 'access' you get to the details that you just don't get when you can barely remember your neighbors name. </span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">We set a relationship shot clock when key indicators go off. How long before "we're breaking up and one/both are moving"? </span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">You don't get much privacy in a wood frame building, all snuggled up next to each other. A guy on the 3rd floor has a thing for 80's porn. The first floor? asians. The sexual prowess of one guy in the building that briefly dated another was rated as "less than to be desired" with a face that should serve as a warning to those that would follow. The previous manager used to get railed at around 8 in the morning by boyfriend du jour while others were trying to enjoy their morning coffee. </span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">How do I know this? Because either people talk man. </span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">So how do I know your relationship is coming to an end, possibly before you do? Nothing is new anymore. This may be earth shattering to your world, but for me its a big mac and large fry. </span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">You can usually pick up on a tone change. That happy little couple is now a little 'darker' than before. The first time you pick up on it, you think 'bad day' then, bad week? Then you can hear arguing. Mild at first, but then you catch the hint of "I wish you had never been born" on the morning breeze and wonder if its coming from your building. </span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">The phone rings. </span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">Yeah, its us. </span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">One couple ended without the usual signs. One day she called and said he's moving out. She's going to carry on. He slept with someone else. She got a restraining order. He does not have permission to enter her apartment. </span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">You know what I actually needed to know? He's moving out and does not have permission to enter the apartment. That's it. He could screw his way through the BC Lion's cheerleading line up for all I care. I would question how he pulled that off, but I wouldn't actually care from a business perspective. </span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">But people love to talk. </span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">I then found myself in the uncomfortable position of being the go-between. I was 17 again, and my parents were getting divorced. I tried being nice, but visibly agitated at the whole thing as a hint. It didn't work. Finally I landed on "that letter you signed means I no longer have a relationship with you." </span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">The on again/off again relationships can be entertaining. One day you get a call that she wants him off the lease, and then "never mind". You'll forgive me if I don't rush over to do that paperwork with you, but let's let this ride for awhile and see how it plays out. When I see boxes, you get your lease. </span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">One couple at a building we don't live in recently had a baby...he's now on his way out. I try to stay dispassionate to these things, but my first thought was...damn. That kid will never remember their parents together. It only lasts a second, and then you think "I wonder who he slept with" Whatever, "Big Mac you said? I need a letter that he's moving and I can get you a new lease under the old terms"</span></b></span>Dinosaurhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02236746893999331016noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6660899290905939232.post-12726268011128509442012-06-20T09:00:00.000-07:002012-06-20T09:00:04.138-07:00The Bestest Tenant Ever<span style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><b style="background-color: #b45f06;"><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">This is what happens when you start doing a job without really knowing what you are doing. </span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">Tenant #1. </span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">Fuck me, did we ever screw the pooch on this one. He had just about every red flag you could have. Didn't know to recognize them. Everything we have learned about what to look for in people came from this one person. </span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">So he and his family move in. Things are going ok until his wife takes up crack, apparently again-there's a question to ask, "are you currently recovering from something? Is there a likelihood that you will relapse?" </span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">They get a little behind on rent. We muddle through. And here's why we had problems: </span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">The apartment in question was shit. The bathroom was blue, and you're like, "dude, paint that shit" No...blue bathtub, toilet and sink, sitting on a blue tile floor. The kitchen was small and dark, it was ground floor. </span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">So, lesson #2, you can't put great people into shit product. In fact, we have been really bad at putting shit people into shit product. It's happened a couple of times. Your decision making becomes based on, no one else is going to want this shit. </span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">After they moved, I spent a month re-doing it. It's hot now. </span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">So finally they split up. He moves into a 1 bedroom and she leaves. Things get better. The 1 bedroom was another problem unit, so its nice to have that off the map. </span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">Then, the worst case scenario. He comes to me and says he has bedbugs. </span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">Sidebar: If you've never dealt with these little bastards, consider yourself lucky. They say it has nothing to do with cleanliness and lifestyle if you get them. Awesome. I call bullshit. My nice clean little yuppies may be equally able to get them coming through a wall, but people that clean often and care are going to notice them quicker and deal with their eradication faster. Therefore they aren't going to have more time to transfer them to friends and family. </span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">In my opinion, its a problem of cheap people picking up free shit. </span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">So in this case, his ex came by and stayed for a few days and then tells him, "oh yeah! funny thing I did have bugs in my place now that you mention it" </span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">We get that dealt with. In the process, he managed to blame motherfucking EVERYBODY, but himself. It did make me smile when he had to get rid of every stick of furniture in the place. </span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">At this point, we're on the warpath. We had enough of this shit. </span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">A couple of months go by, and we manage to sneak away over christmas. We get a call from another tenant. HE has bedbugs. Fuck me. He's another story, but needless to say, he wasn't a surprise either. See sidebar above. </span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">So we put a notice out that we are having the dog come through and lo and behold, this guy comes to the door and says, "you know, I just saw one the other day!" </span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">What a fabulous little coincidence! That discovery just happened to coincide with this other guy down the hall. </span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">Unfortunately, its not what you know, its what you can prove. We all knew that he most likely had never gotten rid of the bugs, but couldn't prove it. </span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">In reality, we should have just evicted. If it failed, then it failed. </span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">We spent $1000 heat treating the apartment. </span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">Then about 60 days later, he sounds the alarm. I think I have them again. Thinking that we were under a warranty period. We weren't. </span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">At that point, we were done with this guy. So Dino hatched a plan in concert with the owner. </span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">It's called the "Fuck it, I'm done." plan. </span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">They let him stay for a month for free and then move. </span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">Not as clean and sanitary as we normally like, but here's the thing. If he got bugs again, it was either going to cost another $350ish for spray, plus any additional apartments or $1000 for heat. </span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">And we washed our hands of the biggest cluster fuck. On top of all of that, I think my favorite part was sometimes you could tell that you had just pissed him off and he'd want to snap, but couldn't. He would walk by us in a huff on a couple of occasions, and once I wish he'd have just let go, because I would LOVE to fire back.</span></b></span>Dinosaurhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02236746893999331016noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6660899290905939232.post-83387270646945833242012-06-19T21:19:00.002-07:002012-06-19T21:19:45.640-07:00Idiot of the day...<span style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><b style="background-color: #b45f06;">We were driving into the back parking lot when we saw one of our more colourful tenants standing on a ladder with a large laundry basket pointed towards the second floor balcony above her. We stop...get out..."umm, what are you doing?"</b></span><div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><b style="background-color: #b45f06;">"my cat jumped down onto the balcony below us!" (she lives on the third floor).</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><b style="background-color: #b45f06;">So...you are trying to will the cat into a laundry basket?</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><b style="background-color: #b45f06;">Shockingly enough, this does eventually work, but not without attracting the attention of the other tenants in the surrounding apartments.</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><b style="background-color: #b45f06;">I guess there is always a chance of this happening when you have a cat-friendly buildings....unfortunately, this is the fourth time this has happened with this particular cat and this particular tenant. </b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><b style="background-color: #b45f06;">My recommendation? Maybe keep your balcony door closed....ya know, the same advice I gave you the last three times this happened.</b></span><br /><div>
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</div>Dinosaurhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02236746893999331016noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6660899290905939232.post-64135847418713424122012-06-19T12:00:00.000-07:002012-06-19T13:17:29.196-07:00The Hard Way<span style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><b style="background-color: #b45f06;">People always ask me what "the hard way" is. It is shocking how many tenants I give the speech to DON'T ask me what that "hard way" is....maybe I am scary...maybe they can sense my power...maybe they are just to stupid to throw a well constructed sentence together?</b></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><b style="background-color: #b45f06;">So...what IS the hard way? I use the Italian Donkey for an example:</b></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><b style="background-color: #b45f06;">I collected letters from neighbour below his suite, across the hall, and next to him (I already have one).<br /><br />These letters list him disturbing the quiet enjoyment and threatening the health and safety. I get a copy of the 2 police reports and I also write a letter regarding his late payment of rent 3 or more times within the last 10 month and add to the health and safety issue and note that he is chain smoking inside his apartment. This also now become a damage issue. I give his an apt inspection letter....enter and proceed to take photos of all the nicotine stains on the walls, ceilings, windows, etc. and any other damage that I see.<br /><br />I put together a pretty little package....which in all reality takes me a couple phone calls and about an hour to do. I march over to his door, give him a 30 day eviction notice and how him the package. Tell him what is happening....cause ya know...I dig ruining a dudes day.<br /><br />He has two option:<br />1- Take it and move. Uses me as a reference...I am honest. Has issues finding a place because of shitty reference but then learns to not give my name. Clean his apt from top to bottom, make no further issues. Spends hours upon hours trying to rid the apt of all traces of cig smoke...he'll be lucky to get half his deposit back. But, he will leave with his tail between his legs...if he has found a place.<br /><br />2-Fight it. Fine. This is my fav! He has to take the day off work and go to the Tenancy and to file a wrongful eviction. He pays $50 (which, I know he doesn't have). I get notification and file my own package (see above) with all the reasons I have to evict. At the same time, I also file for an order of possession (which allows me to call a bailiff, claim his shit if he doesnt move, and have the police physically remove him-so much FUN! I love it when dudes cry). We have our arbitration case lay it all out...I must add, this is like clockwork for me. I always win. I Know my shit. This dude goes apeshit on the phone...cause lets face it, they all do. Not only do I win my case, but now he loses his security deposit, has refunds me my $50 that I have to pay to file an eviction notice, I charge him for all the damage and not cleaning (note: I dont hire cheap people), and he has no place to live because not only do I give him a terrible reference, but I also register it on the Tenant Verification website.<br /><br />So this dude is having to take days off work to file his case, to go to arbitration, and now to find a place b/c with the order of possession, the branch only gives you like 10 days. Meanwhile, I have all the time in the world for a little entertainment.<br /><br />Wanna fuck up a dudes week, take his house and make him pay you for it.<br /><br /><br />So remember, when I say do you want the hard way or easy way...Always take the easy way. I don't fuck around...it is truly the easy way. At least then, you get fake smile, maybe a hand shake, and I'll give you and okay reference...hell, you may ever get some of your deposit back. Cause lets put it simple...it aint my money and in the grand of things, a few hundred dollars to the building owners means shit...BUT, a few hundred dollars to a dude that can barely make his rent now is going to fuck him.<br /><br />And don't forget...I always win. I don't go into a fight unless I know I'm going to win it.<br /><br />As for the Donkey (above), he got an extra month, he got the smile, and the handshake. Loses about $100 in cleaning (he did an okay job) and can go on living his life with little disruption.<br /><br />At the end of the day, I don't give a fuck...just get the fuck out. You do it or I do it. The end result will be the same.</b></span></div>
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__________________</div>Dinosaurhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02236746893999331016noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6660899290905939232.post-3441483419691152962012-06-19T09:00:00.000-07:002012-06-19T09:00:07.243-07:00The Italian Donkey<span style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><b style="background-color: #b45f06;"><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">What an absolute pile. Just moved today. </span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">He nominated himself for the hitlist by:</span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">Going nuts(cocaine was our guess) in his apartment enough the lady below had to call the police. The first time, we go rushing over to the building and he had already taken off. </span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">Then, his toilet broke. Im my defense, it WAS still functional. He flips the fuck out. I've had people mad, and I've had them angry. He went nuts. </span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">He started calling me and swearing. He called the building owners and left death threats on their answering machine in Italian. He phones me back and I tell him I am going to evict him and report him to the police for leaving death threats. He says, "Why don't I just nail his fucking coffin shut". Nice. </span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">Basically, the little italian hamster in his head went off the wheel. </span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">Then the lady below calls and says he's throwing shit and yelling and swearing. </span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">I'm sorry, I forgot to mention...its 10pm at night. So off we go to meet the police there. </span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">They knock on his door and he starts speaking italian to them. They actually had to ask, "do you speak english?" He answers yes. They ask, "can we?"</span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">So he tells them all about his toilet. They care just about as much as I do. This event has gone way past his pooping needs at this point. I'm there at 10pm, you can use a bucket and I'll still sleep tonight. </span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">The plan is hatched. He's going. </span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">So I gives him "the speech". </span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">"Donkey, do you want to do this the easy way, or the hard way?" </span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">He chose the easy way. Gives a letter, to which I obliges to give him 2 months instead of 1. </span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">The easy way comes with: a smiling face, and a hand shake at the end and we don't have to go through that awkward phase of throwing everything we've got against you at you in a Tenancy proceeding. </span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">And one more coke fueled drama bag bites the dust.</span></b></span>Dinosaurhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02236746893999331016noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6660899290905939232.post-87460679807670674772012-06-18T09:00:00.000-07:002012-06-18T09:00:07.538-07:00Phat Bastard<span style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><b style="background-color: #b45f06;"><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">At our main building, in recent history, there was the crazy chick that I already wrote about that managed for years, but after she left and before we started, there was Phat Bastard. </span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">He lasted 3 months. </span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">I never really get the full story on things, as the owners we work for don't seem to relish in the stories of building past the way I do, but I pick things up in bits and pieces. </span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">He came in under the guise of being tough and effective. I guess after the better part of 8 years spent with the hippie love in, "pay what you can, when you can" attitude of the previous manager, they were wooed with the idea of actually having rent in on time. </span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">He used to sit in the lobby on the first, and hassle people as they came through the door for their rent. He also threatened to remove the front door of people that were late. He made a woman climb in the dumpster to remove old clothes that she had thrown out, for some reason. Oh, and he was a bit of a drunk. </span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">Now, I don't have a lot of details on this guy, but as a person that </span><i style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">has</i><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;"> had to remove the front door to an apartment(for legit purposes), I can tell you..that's a lot of freaking work. If I were an asshole guy, and according to some, I may just be, I might be tempted to call your bluff on that one. </span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">I also can think of a lot of things I would rather do than sit in the lobby and chase people down for rent. You know what I find works wonders? Taking a few minutes to fill out the 10 day "pay to stay" notice. A little tape on the door and you're done! Added benefit: anyone that walks past your door sees that a) you don't pay your rent and b) if I don't pay my rent, I'll get one as well. </span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">I only met the guy once, and I wasn't left with a warm fuzzy feeling. We had gotten the keys early on what was to be our apartment and I wanted to paint it before we moved in, as it was pink. Seriously...pink. Who starts rolling pink in an apartment and says, "hmm, a nice neutral color suitable for all" and then proceeds to hit the yellowed ceiling with the roller repeatedly enough to have a stripe around the room. So I'm bringing some equipment in and he stops me at the elevator. </span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">"Hey. What er you doing?" </span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">"Oh. Hi! You must be Phat Bastard(the beer belly pokin' out of the ill-fitting Molson Canadian t-shirt was a dead giveaway). I'm painting our apartment." </span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">"No one told me about that" </span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">Remember me mentioning that I may just be a bit of an asshole on occasion? </span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">"Well, I guess you are on a need to know basis. Excuse me." </span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">He wasn't missed.</span></b></span>Dinosaurhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02236746893999331016noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6660899290905939232.post-39335366638878106232012-06-17T09:00:00.000-07:002012-06-17T09:00:07.012-07:00Sometimes Talking is Their First Mistake<span style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><b style="background-color: #b45f06;"><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">A couple with their kid comes to look at a kind of shitty 2 bedroom we have in one of the secondary buildings. It's been a biatch to unload. This is the one where Black Betty^^ lived. </span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">So I'm showing them around and they seem "alright". He's doing most of the talking, the wife seems nuts and the kid is cute but f'ing loud. Not necessarily something that is going to happen all the time, but you start to think. </span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">Dino and I switch off, and the first thing she notices is the wife is kind of doing the Hastings Shuffle and I had already noticed the teeth. Or lack of teeth. </span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">So they start telling their story. They don't have a reference from the previous landlord, because he had called Child Protective Services on them! Nice! BUT they had a letter from them saying that they found nothing in the investigation. </span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">Sooo...you are saying that you met, at least the minimum level of child care needed, but the landlord thought that you did not? </span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">I don't know, but is that grey area between "you beat your child enough" and "you beat your child too much" something we want to find out? </span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">Here's a Top Gear Top Tip for sketchy people trying to rent a place. SHUT THE FUCK UP! I'm very happy that you are no longer on meth. That's awesome. I however, do not take as much pride as you do. Therefore, don't tell me. You say rehab and I say relapse. It's that simple. I'm picturing this all going downhill once life gets a little tough and you are back on the pipe. Call me a cynic if you will. </span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">These people didn't do the meth talk, but I don't need to know that CPS was involved. You don't have a reference. Well, that's a problem. I would suggest "lie" before showing me a letter from CPS. There are ways around a reference problem, but difficult if the rest of you screams 'sketch'. </span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">You just walk away scratching your head remembering you wasted 30 minutes of your life on this shit.</span></b></span>Dinosaurhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02236746893999331016noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6660899290905939232.post-25747677012995217492012-06-16T09:00:00.000-07:002012-06-16T09:00:00.931-07:00Closer(I Want to *woof* You Like an Animal)<span style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><b style="background-color: #b45f06;"><span style="font-size: 13px;">First rent is late. Then rent bounces. Then its more late. Then its a 10 day eviction notice. Normally that's the point where people decide to move on, as they can no longer afford life. She decided to take the 10 day notice. </span><br style="font-size: 13px;" /><br style="font-size: 13px;" /><span style="font-size: 13px;">Ok. </span><br style="font-size: 13px;" /><br style="font-size: 13px;" /><span style="font-size: 13px;">Real simple. Dino told her that if you leave the apartment clean, then you are off the hook. She told Dino to keep the security deposit in lieu of lost rent. </span><br style="font-size: 13px;" /><br style="font-size: 13px;" /><span style="font-size: 13px;">So she leaves, and Dino goes in and nothing is clean. There is boxes of food in the cupboard and the bathtub. Oh the bathtub. What a beautiful before photo for comet. </span><br style="font-size: 13px;" /><br style="font-size: 13px;" /><span style="font-size: 13px;">Cool. Normally we tend to chalk these things up to life lessons, and move on. Dino snapped. She actually snapped awhile ago where we've learned all the "life lessons" we need to learn, and its time for others to share in that joy. </span><br style="font-size: 13px;" /><br style="font-size: 13px;" /><span style="font-size: 13px;">So off she goes to dispute resolution. Dino sends the notice registered mail, and it never gets picked up. She texts her, and the tenant asks what is in the package. Dino tells her, and the response is classic. </span><br style="font-size: 13px;" /><br style="font-size: 13px;" /><span style="font-size: 13px;">"You know, my father said you'd try to *woof* me." </span><br style="font-size: 13px;" /><br style="font-size: 13px;" /><span style="font-size: 13px;">My first reaction was, dude! You *woofed* us! Second, we've never met your father, so how the hell would he know any different. </span><br style="font-size: 13px;" /><br style="font-size: 13px;" /><span style="font-size: 13px;">So Dino goes to arbitration and its a clear win. The judgey person actually declared a full win on the spot, which they usually don't do. </span><br style="font-size: 13px;" /><br style="font-size: 13px;" /><span style="font-size: 13px;">Here's the deal. And it shocks me how people don't get this. We're not out to *woof* anyone. We don't get a single dime from holding your security deposit. Occasionally I get paid for repairs out of damages withheld. Honey, making $50 to patch holes in your walls is a pain in my ass, is shit that I don't want to do and for the difference $50 makes to my bottom line, I'd just prefer to not do it at all. I don't even invoice for less than $100. Oh, and we also don't get paid more to spend our time chasing you through the RTB. </span><br style="font-size: 13px;" /><br style="font-size: 13px;" /><span style="font-size: 13px;">So maybe when we say, clean it to the point of *woofing* spotless because we don't want to deal with it-you'll listen. </span><br style="font-size: 13px;" /><br style="font-size: 13px;" /><span style="font-size: 13px;">The funny thing was, the arbiter actually pointed out that our costs were significantly less than what could have been charged. So who's *woofing* you now? </span></b></span>Dinosaurhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02236746893999331016noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6660899290905939232.post-9002462296345028482012-06-15T09:00:00.000-07:002012-06-15T09:00:00.286-07:00Black Betty<span style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><b style="background-color: #b45f06;"><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">First the title I chose. She wasn't actually black, but Black Betty was in the movie Blow and this story features cocaine. Fuck yeah!</span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">We knew there was a problem whenever we had to talk to her, because she'd come around through the sliding patio door instead of the front door. Why? Well, its usually either we don't like prying eyes seeing the state of the apartment, or there is shit piled in front of the door as we have run out of room to store said shit. Notice I said its usually one or the other? This was both. </span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">She knew everyone in the building. Anyone else's dope that they were getting in shit for was coming from her apartment. Quite the little entrepreneur. Dino and I are vehemently against pot in our buildings. It's an uphill battle. </span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">So she was handy when she gave us enough dirt to evict others. I'm also going to say, she was really a nice(r) person. I wouldn't have her over for tea and crumpets, but she didn't have that attitude of the world is out to get me, and you are part of that world, therefore I hate you. </span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">But then someone told us about a party from the night before that featured 3 out of 10 apartments converging into a mega party, that then ended up with a hammer being wielded, dents in someone's front door from said hammer and this girl being arrested. </span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">We go the next day and hear about it, and first its like why the hell wouldn't someone call us, but its like watching the Hangover. What the fuck happened here last night, and we need to get this shit together. </span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">So we start knocking our way down the doors until finally we get to hers. Bingo! That's the look we were looking for. Stringy hair, pale, kinda smelling like vomit and a raging headache. </span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">In the middle of that, Dino busts out on her, "dude, I hate to pile on to your day today, but this needs to end. Are you going to give me a letter that says you are moving, or am I going to give you one?" </span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">And pause. </span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">Here's a tip. This shit works more than you realize. This is the secret between someone that looks pro, and some bullshit manager that can't keep his head out of his ass. We have yet to actually go through with an eviction. Why? They are long, drawn out affairs and until its done, you are always waiting for what damage is going to happen, and what bullshit you are going to have to go through. Ask for the fucking sale!</span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">"Hi! Do you want me to fuck you today, yes or no?" It's that easy. Here's what fucking you looks like: security deposit? gone. Suing for additional damages? Check Shitty reference? Oh check yeah. You need a list of what I'm going to use to evict? Here it is. Need I continue? </span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">Or, we can bring this to an end, get you some money back from your deposit, smooth out a few rough spots in a reference call and shake hands. </span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">This only works if there is a hint of logic left. Some people are just too far gone. These are the people that think the way they live is normal, which ps, flip open Canadian Living or BH&G. Do you see a picture that resembles your home? Then no honey, it ain't normal. The only one that we had to pursue in this manner was the heroin addict from page 1 or 2. Obviously, logic wasn't going to work on him, although as I type that, I did convince him to sign a paper releasing any claim to his damage deposit. </span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">And un-pause. </span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">So we pull up to the end of the month, and she has found a place to live. So this just in, there is an owner of a basement suite that should really learn to properly vet tenants. </span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">The place looks worse than those abandoned Chernobyl apartments. The beige carpet is black. The walls look like swiss cheese. Dino had to use the washroom and called to ask if she could go in, and gets an answer of yeah, I'd prefer not. There's blow on the kitchen counter. </span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">Hawt. So friggin' hawt. </span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">The carpet guy was there for 5 hours cleaning the carpet. He said straight up that he could do a 4 bedroom house in the same amount of time.</span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">Anyway, we made good, and shook hands. </span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">I did have to put my 2 cents in, and as she asked me for help in removing something, I turned to her, alone, and said, "you know, I think you really owe Dino a real thank you, because if this was my building-I'd fuck you. Straight up. This is fucking ridiculous." </span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">And she did. It was truly sincere. In the end, I hope a little bit she makes good on her promise of getting her shit together.</span></b></span>Dinosaurhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02236746893999331016noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6660899290905939232.post-9562218487626875932012-06-14T09:00:00.000-07:002012-12-19T22:23:49.657-08:00Let's Talk Morris Court<span style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><b style="background-color: #b45f06;"><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">First, it's on a completely different system than any other building. We report to a property manager. We go in to interview, and the office is straight up 1972. They have a typewriter, and it gets used. The furnishings read like a who's who of craigslist's 'free' top posters. The shut down elementary school was a huge score. I'm not going to lie, I checked under the conference table for gum. </span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">We have an informal interview, which is kind of weird. It's like he asks a question, and then there is the awkward moment of which person is going to answer. Dino does. All of 'em. I end up sitting there looking pretty. It really is weird out-numbering the interviewer. </span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">It’s also weird knowing the guy. </span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">As the interview is wrapping up, Dino asks a usual question, "how many others are you interviewing for the position?" </span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">"Well, given that you guys are normal, and speak english, I was kind of hoping you'd take the job. I don't want to call the others. They're crap." </span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">Well, that's cool. On that note, we're going to just take a raise right away. True story. We asked for an additional 30% on the spot. PS-what is it with these jobs appealing to angry eastern Europeans? That was our competition anyway. Apparently it was one resume after another of communism`s left-overs. </span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">Then we`re told about the owner. His routine was: he enters the building, goes to his office, goes to his bathroom, then exits the building. So, take a guess what his complaints may pertain to?Well, weeds growing along the stairs to the back door. Leaves in the stairwell. Lint in the laundry room. That is the extent of the concerns he has with the building. My list grew to be slightly more expansive. Did I mention Cokie the Bear lived here? Yes, leaves are a concern, but a heroin addict hardlining on the first floor is fine. </span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">My favorite was the lighting. The hallways were pitch black. The halls are about 30-40 feet long, and there were 2 florescent tubes-one at each end. In fact, it was so dark that the red glow from the exit signs cast more light. If you want to make your building look appealing to crime-turn the lights off! It had this seedy underworld thing going for it. You know all those creepy apartment buildings they show in the movies? The ones where the bad guy is holding out, and the good guys end up shooting him? Yeah, filmed at Morris Court. </span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">There used to be lights. Lights use power. Power costs money. Money cuts profits, ergo-nuke the lights. We actually had to sneak the bill through as an ‘emergency repair` to avoid the wrath of the owner. Easy to do as walking down the hall didn`t enter into the routine. </span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">You know what else costs money? Heat. If you just go and turn that off, you can save a fortune. There was a switch installed that cut power to the whole heating system. He`d pop by in the afternoon when it was warm, and turn it off. Then leave. We`d get a call at around 10pm-you know, that sweet time when you are climbing into bed when you get a call from someone asking who they have to fuck to get some heat. </span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">These were annoyances. We managed to ignore them. Then I started to work on an apartment. That`s when it got interesting. </span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">One of the units needed to be painted. I was doing some of the prep and I wanted to fix the texture of the ceiling, as some of it was peeling. Now, i know enough not to make love to this shit, as it contains some bad stuff, so I take a blade and quickly flake off the loose stuff. As soon as I touched it, no word of a lie, a square meter slowly started peeling off the ceiling, in slow motion. </span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">Nooooooooo. That sucks. The stink was unreal. There is nothing quite like the smell of disturbed mold. And holy fuck! The ceiling under the texture was black with it. At this point, my nice little 2 day rehab was over. I decide to investigate a little further and see how far it goes. I cut a hole in the closet and discover this green and red stuff growing in a semi-circle pattern. </span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">Oh. I should mention-it was already rented for occupancy in 12-13 days. </span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">I have a remediation company come the next day and even they didn`t know what the green and red organic aids was in the closet. Encouraging. I tell them the scoop, and he makes a few phone calls. Comes back with a plan. Pending pricing approval, they can have a crew in the next day, peel everything, contain and remediate over the weekend, and you should be able to have drywallers working in like 4 days. I do some quick math, and it should be able to be done by the 1st-barely. Of course-the mold guys wanted $8000 minimum plus extra work, and we`d be left with a destroyed apartment. My drywallers would have been good for probably $1500 on a rush job. BUT-its rented, and mission impossible, she`d be able to take possession. </span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">I make my rushed phone call, and I`m told-we`re going to need a second opinion. We`re sending a guy. He comes, and takes forever and tells us he should be able to have a quote into us by next week. </span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">Next week? Dude-the other guys were going to be done by next week. </span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">And then we hear nothing. We finally step out on a limb and rip up her lease, as we wanted to do originally. Thanks to the whole situation, that gave her about 5 days to find a new apartment. </span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">The owner cancelled everything. Too expensive. And so far, it has sat there-for a year. So what`s more expensive? The remediation would have been paid for by now. Instead, we have a dead apartment that still needs to be fixed, and we are now a further $9000 in the hole. </span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">Ultimately, we gave up on trying to improve the building. We have yet to rent an apartment for a dollar more than it was previously rented for. We then even stopped trying to actively maintain the building-even that was running up against a wall. We now do the bare minimum needed to make the phone calls stop-and its not from laziness, but pure frustration.</span></b></span>Dinosaurhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02236746893999331016noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6660899290905939232.post-68296930528475220272012-06-13T21:23:00.000-07:002012-06-13T21:24:55.116-07:00Moron Manor<span style="background-color: #b45f06; color: #222222; font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace; font-size: 13px;"><b>We were talking to a building owner about taking on her property. It was like 12 units maybe? Can't remember. Anyway, we are standing in a bachelor apartment having our meeting, and already, I'm feeling this whole, "I don't like, nor trust you" vibe. She was pretty, and dressed well, but just had this stink about her. </b></span><br />
<span style="background-color: #b45f06; font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><b><br /></b></span><br />
<span style="background-color: #b45f06; color: #222222; font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace; font-size: 13px;"><b>We start talking about the building itself. It's a dump. It gets vacuumed about once every 2 weeks, the halls haven't seen paint in decades. Then we're talking about rents, and she says the apartment we are standing in goes for $775. W-T-What the Mother F? I wish I had taken a picture. Some tiles had fallen off the backsplash, and were just replaced with any tile that fit. There is a leaky fridge stranded in the corner. Shitty laminate. It was just a dive.</b></span><br />
<span style="background-color: #b45f06; font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><b><br /></b></span><br />
<span style="background-color: #b45f06; color: #222222; font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace; font-size: 13px;"><b>She continues on telling us about the building-and it gets better. She has a fantastic tenant that lives downstairs. She’s been there for years-pays like $500 a month. Her apartment is beautiful. </b></span><br />
<span style="background-color: #b45f06; font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><b><br /></b></span><br />
<span style="background-color: #b45f06; color: #222222; font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace; font-size: 13px;"><b>So we asks a very logical question, “well don’t you do annual rent increases?”</b></span><br />
<span style="background-color: #b45f06; font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><b><br /></b></span><br />
<span style="background-color: #b45f06; color: #222222; font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace; font-size: 13px;"><b>“Oh, the branch allows you to increase it, what $20 a month, what’s the point?”</b></span><br />
<span style="background-color: #b45f06; font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><b><br /></b></span><br />
<span style="background-color: #b45f06; color: #222222; font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace; font-size: 13px;"><b>So we table that for the moment. </b></span><br />
<span style="background-color: #b45f06; font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><b><br /></b></span><br />
<span style="background-color: #b45f06; font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><b><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">We get back to the </span><span class="highlight" style="color: red; font-size: 13px;">rental</span><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;"> system. She explains that the building makes like no money, so apartments can’t sit without a tenant. If we get to the end of the month and we don’t have a tenant for a unit, then she’ll come out and put anyone in it, and deal with whatever happens. </span></b></span><br />
<span style="background-color: #b45f06; font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><b><br /></b></span><br />
<span style="background-color: #b45f06; color: #222222; font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace; font-size: 13px;"><b>Remember that great tenant paying $500 a month? No relevance at all, I’m sure. </b></span><br />
<span style="background-color: #b45f06; font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><b><br /></b></span><br />
<span style="background-color: #b45f06; color: #222222; font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace; font-size: 13px;"><b>So we talk money, and here’s the offer. Sorry, wait. Just wanna throw out some stats. We have: </b></span><br />
<span style="background-color: #b45f06; color: #222222; font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace; font-size: 13px;"><b>-increased rent revenue by 20% at one building</b></span><br />
<span style="background-color: #b45f06; color: #222222; font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace; font-size: 13px;"><b>-increased individual apartment rents by a minimum of $100 per apartment</b></span><br />
<span style="background-color: #b45f06; color: #222222; font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace; font-size: 13px;"><b>-basically rocked the shit job wise. Took this on, and so re-defined what the job entailed that we started teaching people how to do it in other buildings. </b></span><br />
<span style="background-color: #b45f06; font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><b><br /></b></span><br />
<span style="background-color: #b45f06; color: #222222; font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace; font-size: 13px;"><b>Cool. That said. She offered us $300 per month. For that, we got to rent out all the apartments, deal with the phone calls from all the tenants and work for some Gucci wearing chick that had no interest in the building whatsoever. </b></span><br />
<span style="background-color: #b45f06; font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><b><br /></b></span><br />
<span style="background-color: #b45f06; color: #222222; font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace; font-size: 13px;"><b>I’m standing there, in an apartment I swear god built himself with his own two fucking hands to teach low income people about the value of education listening to her offer me $300 per month to take it off her hands. Honey-$300 isn’t going to cover the gas, nor potential bullet holes from driving to this godforsaken hellhole. Yes, for the purposes of this story, I am saying that God himself built it, then forgot it. </b></span><br />
<span style="background-color: #b45f06; font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><b><br /></b></span><br />
<span style="background-color: #b45f06; font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><b><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">So I try to put a different spin on it-maybe there is value in a cost-plus arrangement. I tell her, we’d consider acting as a </span><span class="highlight" style="color: red; font-size: 13px;">rental</span><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;"> agent. You have vacancies, and we’ll take care of renting them. For a price. I would want $100 per apartment. No vacancies=no money. More vacancies=more money. Phone calls bill out at $30/hour. </span></b></span><br />
<span style="background-color: #b45f06; font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><b><br /></b></span><br />
<span style="background-color: #b45f06; color: #222222; font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace; font-size: 13px;"><b>Let’s be clear, on the spot I just saved her: the cost of an onsite manager. And let’s be clear, an onsite manager here is going to be recruited from Insite. The cost of driving out from downtown everytime a tenant calls her. And it saves the cost of her time. She can officially set it and forget it. If we don’t get used, she doesn’t have to pay. </b></span><br />
<span style="background-color: #b45f06; font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><b><br /></b></span><br />
<span style="background-color: #b45f06; color: #222222; font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace; font-size: 13px;"><b>I thought I was pretty brilliant. Especially with 10 seconds of thought. </b></span><br />
<span style="background-color: #b45f06; color: #222222; font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace; font-size: 13px;"><b>And she starts trying to negotiate on the fact that 2 vacancies isn’t nearly twice the work of one. No shit. I’m trying to scrape together a deal here that makes it at least plausible that I am a little interested in attaching my name to this Bedbug paradise. If that means we actually make money for coming to the 7th circle of hell for 2 apartments rather than one-so be it!</b></span><br />
<span style="background-color: #b45f06; color: #222222; font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace; font-size: 13px;"><b>Finally, we ended up saying yes just to end the interview and get out of there. I was so thirsty from talking, and definitely did not want water from that building. We get in the car and had an e-mail sent before we made it home saying we changed our minds. </b></span><br />
<span style="background-color: #b45f06; font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><b><br /></b></span><br />
<span style="background-color: #b45f06; color: #222222; font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace; font-size: 13px;"><b>We could have turned that building around. We could be the assholes that went up to the wonderful tenant living in the “beautiful apartment”, and told her she has 2 months to vacate. Here’s a check. We could be the jersk that handed out rent increases for everyone. Maybe make sure that the halls got cleaned more than twice a month by a man that wasn’t blind. Dirt was ground so far into the carpet that it was growing new dirt. We could have done it on a shoestring budget. </b></span><br />
<span style="background-color: #b45f06; font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><b><br /></b></span><br />
<span style="background-color: #b45f06; color: #222222; font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace; font-size: 13px;"><b>But we weren’t going to do it for free.</b></span>Dinosaurhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02236746893999331016noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6660899290905939232.post-63480100327623368762011-11-06T21:26:00.000-08:002011-11-06T21:27:21.486-08:00Types of Potential Renters<span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: #b45f06;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;"><u><b>End of previous month/Beginning of the month:</b></u></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;"> People to tend to be more cautious in life. They do not want to give notice at the current place without having somewhere to go. They make quick decisions but tend to look for places that are renovated/updated and care about the neighbours and building. These people confirm their appointments, show up early, and if they can't make it or find another place before they look at yours, they call and cancel politely. </span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;"><b><u>Mid-month:</u></b></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;"> Have given notice to their current place and are looking a apartments causally. They want to see EVERYTHING that is available and they are looking EVERYWHERE....Richmond, Van, New West, Burnaby, Coquitlam, Surrey, etc...They do not make quick decisions as the do not want to make a bad one. They take applications with them instead of filling them out at the building and always say "we will get back to you". These lookers also tend to pull A LOT of no-shows. They are in no rush and have looked at dozens of place, so if they are tired after work, "fuck it, lets just sit and watch tv". These people are super annoying to deal with and always waste my time. These are the people that get back to you 10 days later and are annoyed when it is no long available.</span><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;"><u><b>End of Month:</b></u></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px;"> The desperatos!! These people will take ANYTHING! They walk in the door, stand, look, and ask for an application. They offer cash to hold it until the application is approved. They don't care about the layout, renos, neighbours, building, etc....they just want it....they NEED it! They will do ANYTHING to get it!! These people usually have shitty credit, little to no income, and have already been rejected from a lot of places. This lot also includes people going through break-ups, divorces, fights with room-mates, and people getting kicked out of their current places. The odd time you find a diamond in the rough....usually these ones are left overs from the mid-monthers who have waited to long to make a decision about the dozens of place they have already seen and now have realized, they are fucked and need a place ASAP. These people rarely pull a "no-show" and when they phone, they want to see it NOW!</span></span></span>Dinosaurhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02236746893999331016noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6660899290905939232.post-88379978326917578722011-10-08T10:37:00.000-07:002011-10-08T11:21:37.060-07:00(You Drive Me) Crazy<span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: #b45f06; color: #222222; font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace; font-size: 14px;"><b>There is a woman, and she’s a humorous level of nuts.<br />
<br />
I met her when we took over the building, and she put in a request for a repair. Her door was a little sticky, probably because the police had to break it in. Why you ask? Oh! She was having a bi-polar spell and was reported to be throwing her furniture out of the window. She lived on the second floor, but at least the chick likes to keep her place clean.<br />
<br />
True Story.<br />
<br />
Then she called and mentioned that her kitchen sink was dripping. It’s not a big deal, its about a gallon every 6 hours. Then she called and mentioned that her kitchen sink was dripping. A few days later, she called and mentioned that her kitchen sink was dripping. It was about a gallon every 6 hours. A few days later, she called and mentioned her faucet was dripping. Now it’s about 1 gallon every 5.5 hours. Just a heads up-that sink is still dripping. We’re wasting water.<br />
<br />
Think I’m being facetious? She’s programmed into my phone as “nutbag”.<br />
<br />
That was nothing.<br />
<br />
One day she called that he bathroom sink supply line was leaking, from under the cupboard. Now, completely unrelated to her, we both went through a phase where we did not give a fuck about that building. I was working, and didn’t feel like leaving my jobsite to go running over to that shithole-again-to have to deal with “nutjob”. This problem happened to land right smack dab in the middle of neither of us giving a poo.<br />
<br />
So Dino told her I’d be there at 6. It was 10am.<br />
<br />
I tried to tell them that the plumbing in the building was screwed. I know what some of you are thinking-turn off the shut off valves, right? Nope. None of them work.<br />
<br />
She started calling every 30 minutes with an update. The water has reached the carpet. The water is now 3 inches into the carpet. She would provide estimates on the water volume. I mentioned she was bi-polar, right?<br />
<br />
Finally Dino lost it and told her the next time she calls, she had better be floating. She called back 30 minutes later.<br />
<br />
OK, so I gave up and went over. Of course, it was the hot water, so I had to change out a supply line with it running. Awesome. Got that fixed. Then it was, what are we going to do about the stained carpet?<br />
<br />
I’ll get back to you.<br />
<br />
One day she called and I had to talk to her. Her bathtub was slow in draining. She started asking if I had a tool that could go into the drain and clear it out. She didn’t know what it was called, but a long tubey thing that goes into a drain and cleans it.<br />
<br />
Me: “I don’t think anything like that exists”<br />
<br />
Her: “Oh, its this thing and its long, and like coiled metal in a plastic case that unwinds into the drain and clears it out...blah blah blah...”<br />
<br />
I mentioned I do renovations right? I totally knew what she was talking about. Did I have any interest in going into her apartment to clean out a gob of her rotting pubes from her drain?<br />
<br />
She then called 2 more times, leaving 5 minute long voice mails describing what it was. She asked her brother, and he said it was a plumbing snake, available at Home Depot. Then she went on to describe-again-in detail, what it was.<br />
<br />
I mentioned she was bi-polar, right?<br />
<br />
<u>I hear footsteps</u><br />
<br />
She called one night, concerned, because she thought someone was trying to break in from the roof.<br />
<br />
What fucking neurons are mis-firing tonight? Is there medication you can be on?<br />
<br />
So I listen to her descriptions, in mind-numbing detail. Then I take a moment before I blow her mind for her.<br />
<br />
“You know there is a penthouse apartment above you, right?”<br />
<br />
Silence.<br />
<br />
“oh, well, its probably them.”<br />
<br />
Yeah. Maybe.<br />
<br />
<u>I fear for the less fortunate</u><br />
<br />
Another night, another phone call. I have really learned to dislike “sabotage” by the Beastie Boys(It’s my ring tone)<br />
<br />
It was last winter during the bad cold snap we had.<br />
<br />
She kind of knows this guy, and he’s homeless. It’s really cold outside.<br />
Oh fuck. I know where this is going.<br />
<br />
She actually phoned to ask if she would be allowed to let him sleep in the laundry room.<br />
<br />
Now, I get very few tenants truly surprising me. Some shock me, but few surprise me. And this was a surprising level of crazy.<br />
<br />
I tell her, if you are that concerned, why don’t you let him sleep on your sofa?<br />
<br />
“Oh, well that doesn’t seem really safe. I don’t know him THAT well. “<br />
<br />
Well, by all fucking means then! You don’t know him, or trust the homeless guy enough to sleep in your house, but let’s expose the rest of the building to the risk of having a squatter in the goddamn basement.<br />
<br />
I said to her, I want this to be clear. Crystal clear. You are NOT allowed to have some dude sleeping in the hallways. I want you to repeat it to me. I need to hear you say it.<br />
<br />
The next day when I was at the building, I saw that it had been broken into. My first thought when I was talking to the police was that they needed to question her about this homeless guy.<br />
<br />
Turns out it was cokie the bear.</b></span>Gridlockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00100962088560260738noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6660899290905939232.post-21474248549078470232011-10-08T10:36:00.000-07:002011-10-08T11:22:24.270-07:00"Morning Train(nine to five)"<span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: #b45f06; color: #222222; font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace; font-size: 14px;">The title really has nothing to do with this other than to me. Go with it.<br />
<br />
This was really crisis averted. Every building seems to have units that are less desirable than others. Thankfully now, we renovate our way out of these problems. Yeah, its ground accessible, but try to find an apartment that looks this good somewhere else.<br />
<br />
She took this unit before we started that program. I painted it nicely, but the kitchen and bath was nasty. Still is actually.<br />
<br />
So she moves in. She actually moved in right after 'Darling Vikki' from page one moves out.<br />
<br />
A few days go by and we get this huge long, hand written letter under our door. It listed every little thing that was wrong with her apartment. That list included, but was not limited to:<br />
<br />
1. The toilet handle jiggles<br />
2. The ceiling fan is loud(I'll grant her this one. I replace them out as part of our new program) There is nothing I can do without ripping a huge chunk out of the ceiling.<br />
3. There was some dirt in the bathroom drawers<br />
4. There is a brass plate on the front door that is loose.<br />
5. The flooring does not continue underneath her stove<br />
<br />
There was a few more on the list that I can't remember. I ended up ripping it up in front of her.<br />
<br />
So I get nominated to go and talk to her. I go over the list with her and she says to me, "and what recourse do I have if the work is not done to my satisfaction?"<br />
<br />
Wrong. Fucking. Question.<br />
<br />
So I tell her that she is not my client. When I work in condos downtown, you get to ask that. No one does PS...my shit looks pimp, but anyway.<br />
<br />
So, I ask the big question.<br />
<br />
"What are we really trying to accomplish here? Do you want out of your lease?"<br />
<br />
Keep in mind, she has lived there a week.<br />
<br />
"If that was an option, then yes, I would like to move."<br />
<br />
We hadn't been here that long, and were kinda learning on the run, so I buy some time. We happened to be having a meeting with the owners the next day, and that meeting was vital.<br />
<br />
We bring it up, and he says that yes, if she's going to be an issue, then my god get rid of her. Furthermore guys-you have our support. We will always back you. If you make a decision that is in our best interests, whether ultimately right or wrong, we support it.<br />
<br />
Fuck yeah! That's a system I can work with. After that meeting, our attitude changed dramatically. Not that we went off on seeing how far we could go on that. Not at all. In fact, it almost did the opposite. When someone hands you carte blanche to run with it, the last thing you want to do is ever change that attitude. The only thing you can ever do is screw it up.<br />
<br />
She had been pestering us with the hand written notes, and was one of those people that wanted everything done by the book. We told her that she could move, pending us finding someone to rent her apartment. She wanted everything written and signed-basically a document that let her off the hook for the apartment.<br />
<br />
So back down I go to talk to her again.<br />
<br />
Her mother worked for a PM company, but not as a PM and was there for my conversation. I told them both, that I'm not signing shit. Also, you can sit there saying that I need to give you 24 hours notice to show your apartment, and you are right. I can also say no, I'm not letting you out of your lease, and you can sit here and rot for the next 11 months in an apartment that you hate until you are allowed to move. I'm doing you a favor. Even more, all of this could have been solved with a phone call. You go to move in, and you aren't happy with its cleanliness-call me! I could have had someone clean it in 2 hours.<br />
<br />
The mother is just sitting there nodding her head. She finally gets that I'm not a push over and I do actually know how to handle this situation.<br />
<br />
And, as soon as she was a member of the building, she was gone. One of the 2 tenants that did 30 day stints.<br />
<br />
The funny thing was, she was kind of like this dull girl, with no social life. Lived with her cat,and dressed kinda frumpy.<br />
<br />
She kind of reminded me of my ex-girlfriend. After she left, I turned to Dino and said, "you know, as much as I'm happy she's gone, I kind of have this overwhelming urge to move in with her for 6 years."<br />
<br />
And we laughed.</span>Gridlockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00100962088560260738noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6660899290905939232.post-29314272021327597682011-10-08T10:33:00.002-07:002011-10-08T11:22:57.996-07:00The Tenants that Jesus Brought<span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: #b45f06; font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace; font-size: 14px;"><b>This is where it all began. Tenant #1. We had no buildings, no experience and a townhouse that we didn't want to live in.<br />
<br />
Stuck with an undesired house, we became landlords.<br />
<br />
As soon as we took possession, we started pimping out its rental. A couple came in, and they seemed nice. He was a security guard, and she was a waitress, and at $1500/month, we knew enough to know they couldn't afford the place. However, neither could we to be honest, and we didn't have a better option.<br />
<br />
And we signed the dotted line.<br />
<br />
When I met them, he was a talker. I have come to learn that there are two types of talkers-there are the talkers that just don't know how to shut the fuck up. I can deal with them. There are also the talkers that continually try to 'sell' you. He fit in the latter. He was going on about being a contributing member of his church, wore a cross around his neck, and eventually nailed one to his back as well. He always left the places he lived in better than when he found them. He was a saint with a check book.<br />
<br />
I'd like to remind you that we owned this one. It was us on the line.<br />
<br />
So off we go. A few months go by, and things seem to be working out well. I'm not paying the mortgage here, so I'm happy. Then they call that there is a problem with the washer. I go to check it out and I'm a little shocked. The dog had been trying to scratch its way out of the garage, so the door jamb is toast. The drywall by the stairs is gouged and damaged. Oh, and before they moved in, I put in some leftover teak flooring I had in the den. It was all scratched. Nice. Even though I didn't buy it, it was $7/sq.ft.<br />
<br />
So that was one thing. But the call in February that he had lost his job and they needed to move was quite another. Oh, ps, my daughter had locked herself in the bedroom and I had to smash the door in to get to her was also nice.<br />
<br />
In that conversation, we had made arrangements to collect cash from them instead of cashing the check on the first. We go to meet up with him, and the toe was completely different. He steps out in that Christian Audliger? look at me I'm gangsta clothing with attitude. We made further arrangements to do the walk-through on their move out.<br />
<br />
In the meantime, we're kinda freaking on the whole situation. It just has this bad vibe. We did manage to re-rent the place, with no downtime.<br />
<br />
So we get there on their move out day. Now, embarrassingly enough, I needed to use the bathroom, and we were about 45 minutes early. They weren't there. I broke the rules and decided to use the bathroom that we owned.<br />
<br />
The house was a mess. I did feel partially relieved though. Then I realized that the house was a mess, and my relief was short lived. Dog hair was everywhere...floors were a mess, and in a delightful 'fuck you' someone had left a mess in the toilet. Dino and I quickly decided that this was not going to fly. And I got nominated to get that ball rolling.<br />
<br />
We were standing in the kitchen, awkwardly, and there was this pause before I said that the place was a mess. They were supposed to replace the door, and that wasn't done. They got angry, and as we had new tenants sitting in their truck in the back drive, I went to quickly make arrangements for cleaners. It was then that he decided to start yelling and swearing at Dino! Right in front of his daughter which was nice.<br />
<br />
Oh! I get how the door broke now. Your wife locked herself in there to get away from your rage. Right. I'm there now.<br />
<br />
They leave and buy a disposable camera and take their pictures. Cool. We are officially going to arbitration.<br />
<br />
Our cleaners, $350 dollars later make the place look spotless. Eastern Europeans man, can't beat 'em.<br />
<br />
Thankfully our new tenants were awesome. Gave the situation, and that I was having professional cleaners do their thing, and they took it just awesomely. In fact, we're friends with them on facebook. They left the place spotless when they left.<br />
<br />
Fast Forward to Arbitration<br />
<br />
First time for Dino. She puts together a package that is supreme court level i quality. Photos and written statements-the whole thing.<br />
<br />
We made some mistakes. We didn't send them what was left of the sec.deposit within time. However, originally, we were going to let them go if they paid for the damages and cleaning. We had to reduce the rent by $100 to re-rent it.<br />
<br />
They sued us for everything-double the sec.deposit back. We were faced I think possibly paying $1200 to these losers.<br />
<br />
So we went after them for everything.<br />
<br />
Her attitude on the phone was horrible. For those that haven't been through it, usually the 'judge' asks if they can facilitate an agreement. Dino offered for them to pay the cleaning, pay for the door, drop my labor to install and paint the door and walk away.<br />
<br />
It was refused. The judge asks her, 'are you sure?" Remember, the judge has already seen the evidence.<br />
<br />
"I'm sure."<br />
<br />
OK-did you steam clean the carpets? "No." When you have a pet, you are responsible to clean them.<br />
<br />
"Did you damage the door?" "yes."<br />
<br />
Did you sign a one year lease? "yes"<br />
<br />
Her photos-the ones SHE took to prove the place was clean, had clumps of black dog fur. Dino didn't refer to the photos we took. She used the other parties evidence. You are supposed to make 3 copies of the evidence package, so everyone can refer to the same photos and letters. She mis-labeled some of them, and conveniently forgot to send some to us.<br />
<br />
Victory!<br />
<br />
Ultimately, we had to pay them $120 because of the time issue on sending back the sec.deposit and we didn't know that we had to file to keep the deposit if they didn't agree.<br />
<br />
We took that as a win, as these guys were fucking flat ass broke and hoping for a pay day from us to pay bills.<br />
<br />
We then searched him out on google, and found a bunch of notices regarding an auction of his car for unpaid storage/mechanic fees and he was just screwed.<br />
<br />
So for $120, we learned A LOT about dealing with white trash and the RTA.</b></span>Gridlockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00100962088560260738noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6660899290905939232.post-18058218754775259292011-10-08T10:33:00.001-07:002011-10-08T11:23:36.511-07:00Super Marion<span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: #b45f06; color: #222222; font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace; font-size: 14px;"><b>You know, if you ask certain people around here, she was a fucking saint.<br />
<br />
Did you know she’s walk around every evening and tidy up trash in front of the building?<br />
<br />
Did you know she’d always be wiping down the washing machines for people?<br />
<br />
Did you know she’d vacuum every goddamned day?<br />
<br />
She was ‘SUPER MARION’ <br />
<br />
And she was the fucking rock star of building management. Everyone loved her. She was so cheery-so pleasant, and just a great manager. Everyone misses her.<br />
<br />
That was the perception that we heard every day.<br />
<br />
In reality, the paperwork was a mess. We couldn’t find anything. The leases, condition reports, notes and letters were in a huge pile. Rent had never been in on time, and the building was notorious for being unable to be collected on a timely basis.<br />
<br />
For the record, we had:<br />
<br />
-5 apartments fixed and rented in 1 ½ months<br />
-rent in on time on the 2nd month on the job<br />
-average rent, credit score, median rent have all increased dramatically in the last 2 years.<br />
<br />
It wasn’t until we were talking to a tenant that the first crack in her armour was spoken, when out of the blue she said, “I couldn’t stand her. I think it had something to do with her getting railed next door by mystery men while I’m trying to have my morning coffee.”<br />
<br />
But one other tenant continued to talk about her like Mother Teresa was a step down. Nothing we could do was right. We didn’t clean enough, do enough or possibly care as much as Super Marion. Dinosaur was on her hands and knees scrubbing the stairwell during renovations-renovations I might add that weren’t even discussed until a guy started running the building that did renovations, and she started complaining. Super Marion would be on top of this. All those questions at the top? They came out of her mouth.<br />
<br />
One night there was a knock at the door, and this weird looking woman presents herself like I should already know her name.<br />
<br />
“Hello.” She says, “I <i>am</i> Super Marion.”<br />
<br />
She’s got red dye #5 hair, and is wearing a pure white, fake fur coat and matching hat. I find it hard to focus on people with a mad looking lazy eye, but I did my best.<br />
<br />
And we talk for a bit. The story that comes out of her mouth that really catches my attention, is when she mentions Toothy from page 1. There was a manager here for 3 months between ourselves and Super Marion. He was a fat prick, threatened to remove the front doors of people that didn’t pay on time, and was generally not liked, nor respected.<br />
<br />
Toothy I guess had reached out to Marion and talking about how different it was with him there. I mentioned to her that Toothy had moved, and she says, “oh, I remember telling them to hold on a little longer, that a better manager would be there soon. Oh! They were so nice.”<br />
<br />
I’m sorry, um what?<br />
<br />
They smoked pot, they didn’t pay rent and Hastings meth heads actually had a better set of teeth. What do you mean, hold on. Get the fuck out!<br />
She still to this day occasionally floats around visiting some of the tenants. She basically leaves us alone, as I really don’t think she can recognize the changes to the building, or manage to look like she belongs anymore.</b></span>Gridlockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00100962088560260738noreply@blogger.com0