Here are a couple:
Tenant 1:
Two of the buildings are our main priorities so to speak. There is the flagship which is where we live, and mini-me down the road. Owned by the same people and both are under the same system. They were neglected for years, so as apartments come available, they get re-done. I personally put a butt load of work into them.
And then I hand it off to a tenant, and hold my breath. Did we do well?
Well, with the three horsemen, we did well.
The first time it happened, I'm not gonna lie, I could have shed a tear. She had moved in, and unpacked. I went in to grab some papers, and it literally looked like I had designed the apartment for her furniture. NOw, I know-I technically designed the apartment template that I use for everyone's furniture, but go with it.
It looked incredible! Designer furniture and a nice imac in the corner. My favorite part was there was a closet that I actually put a bit of work into. It had been set up as a pantry closet with a lot of shelves, and I had taken them all out, painted them all white and had the wall color in behind. She opens it and had turned it into a shoe closet-almost like "thanks! I AM going to put that effort to use and turn it into a display closet, instead of dumping some cans of spagettios in there"
At the other building, there were two guys that moved in that had the same thing. Nice furniture that blended so well with the colors we chose and their apartments are spotless.
It really impresses me that people want to choose this apartment, as opposed to just any one that will do because they appreciate the details, the workmanship and the materials.
Tenant 2
She annoys me sometimes, but not for the usual reasons. She is always friendly, and really understands that there is a difference between conversations regarding work, and just conversations between us.
She was our first really good tenant, and has lived here for 2 years. Her problem is, she really needs someone to guide her through life-because man, she does some crazy shit sometimes.
She has actually called and had to ask us to go in her place to turn the oven off-twice. What?
Car was going to be towed for parking on the street without insurance. What?
It goes on and on.
But here is the thing-she is always, ALWAYS appreciative of help. I can't remember what I did, but she came to our place that evening with a big thing of food for me. That wasn't even required, as a sincere thank you is more than I get from other people.
I do get really annoyed with the attitude of, "well, its your job-so get on it"
Ok. Well, in MY jobS on any given day I am behind. I wake up in the morning and I'm already late for work, and probably behind schedule.
So that's what I find on the list of the great people, which is increasing with every rental. They understand that I'm busy, and they appreciate when I stop my thing to help them out.
Compared to another person that FUCKING HATES ME, when she has an issue in her apartment, its awkward AS FUCK to be in there, I get this feeling that its my fault that the problem happened in the first place and its never enough.
She needed a plug replaced. OK. Easy job. Then she starts talking that all of them really should be replaced. Yeah, and I'm sure I can paint it out while I'm here, gut the bathroom and hose out your kitchen too.
Fuck off-with a smile!
Saturday, 23 June 2012
Friday, 22 June 2012
One Hit Wonders
This is for all the people that aren't worth a story of their own, but comical none the less.
What Did You Say to M...
This guy will definitely warrant a story, but I'm refraining from posting about current people. But this is just too funny.
Background: This guy takes a lot of effort. He borrows shit, borrows toilet paper to take a shit, complains about everything(there is one thing, but its too specific to his identity but trust me, you would roll your eyes-oh fuck it-he complained the popcorn texture on his ceiling was causing a large amount of dust. W.T.F?)
He's having a conversation with Dino-just run of the mill small talk which I swear is at the level of working in a bar the amount of useless talking we do. Mentions an issue with something that actually is legitimate. Before Dino can finish the sentence of, "yeah, I know, we are having problems getting someone in to fix it..." he turns around in a huff and walks away.
Dino tries to let it go, but then hears his front door slam shut in a rage.
Tries to let it go again, and then finally drops what she's doing and knocks on the door. Cuts him off before hello, I'm sorry can pass his lips and tears him a new one:
I don't want to hear it. Any of it. I'm officially done with your shit show. You complain about everything, you are rude to me and we have bent over backwards to try to work with you. In fact, you owe Grid a huge thank you, because if it wasn't for him, I would have had your ass out of this building months ago.
Then she turns and walks away. He apologized later and we have yet to see if his demeanor changes.
Sex
Had to talk to a newer couple about the loudness, and frequency of their sexual relations. Complaints were coming in from all over the building. A guy was dying, and still took time to complain.
Always wondered why she was so chipper in the morning.
Drugs
One guy had left his small time dealer operation set up in the kitchen during a scheduled inspection-including scale and baggies with burned roaches in the living room.
He ended up living in the building for a total of 30 days.
Victory is life.
and Tears
Awkward time when a woman you barely know is crying on your shoulder.
Oh, and...
Porn
One dude had a basket of 80's porn mags in his bedroom when he wasn't there and we were doing an inspection.
Enough said.
What Did You Say to M...
This guy will definitely warrant a story, but I'm refraining from posting about current people. But this is just too funny.
Background: This guy takes a lot of effort. He borrows shit, borrows toilet paper to take a shit, complains about everything(there is one thing, but its too specific to his identity but trust me, you would roll your eyes-oh fuck it-he complained the popcorn texture on his ceiling was causing a large amount of dust. W.T.F?)
He's having a conversation with Dino-just run of the mill small talk which I swear is at the level of working in a bar the amount of useless talking we do. Mentions an issue with something that actually is legitimate. Before Dino can finish the sentence of, "yeah, I know, we are having problems getting someone in to fix it..." he turns around in a huff and walks away.
Dino tries to let it go, but then hears his front door slam shut in a rage.
Tries to let it go again, and then finally drops what she's doing and knocks on the door. Cuts him off before hello, I'm sorry can pass his lips and tears him a new one:
I don't want to hear it. Any of it. I'm officially done with your shit show. You complain about everything, you are rude to me and we have bent over backwards to try to work with you. In fact, you owe Grid a huge thank you, because if it wasn't for him, I would have had your ass out of this building months ago.
Then she turns and walks away. He apologized later and we have yet to see if his demeanor changes.
Sex
Had to talk to a newer couple about the loudness, and frequency of their sexual relations. Complaints were coming in from all over the building. A guy was dying, and still took time to complain.
Always wondered why she was so chipper in the morning.
Drugs
One guy had left his small time dealer operation set up in the kitchen during a scheduled inspection-including scale and baggies with burned roaches in the living room.
He ended up living in the building for a total of 30 days.
Victory is life.
and Tears
Awkward time when a woman you barely know is crying on your shoulder.
Oh, and...
Porn
One dude had a basket of 80's porn mags in his bedroom when he wasn't there and we were doing an inspection.
Enough said.
Thursday, 21 June 2012
Lovers(In a Dangerous Time)
I love watching people live their lives, and there is a certain 'access' you get to the details that you just don't get when you can barely remember your neighbors name.
We set a relationship shot clock when key indicators go off. How long before "we're breaking up and one/both are moving"?
You don't get much privacy in a wood frame building, all snuggled up next to each other. A guy on the 3rd floor has a thing for 80's porn. The first floor? asians. The sexual prowess of one guy in the building that briefly dated another was rated as "less than to be desired" with a face that should serve as a warning to those that would follow. The previous manager used to get railed at around 8 in the morning by boyfriend du jour while others were trying to enjoy their morning coffee.
How do I know this? Because either people talk man.
So how do I know your relationship is coming to an end, possibly before you do? Nothing is new anymore. This may be earth shattering to your world, but for me its a big mac and large fry.
You can usually pick up on a tone change. That happy little couple is now a little 'darker' than before. The first time you pick up on it, you think 'bad day' then, bad week? Then you can hear arguing. Mild at first, but then you catch the hint of "I wish you had never been born" on the morning breeze and wonder if its coming from your building.
The phone rings.
Yeah, its us.
One couple ended without the usual signs. One day she called and said he's moving out. She's going to carry on. He slept with someone else. She got a restraining order. He does not have permission to enter her apartment.
You know what I actually needed to know? He's moving out and does not have permission to enter the apartment. That's it. He could screw his way through the BC Lion's cheerleading line up for all I care. I would question how he pulled that off, but I wouldn't actually care from a business perspective.
But people love to talk.
I then found myself in the uncomfortable position of being the go-between. I was 17 again, and my parents were getting divorced. I tried being nice, but visibly agitated at the whole thing as a hint. It didn't work. Finally I landed on "that letter you signed means I no longer have a relationship with you."
The on again/off again relationships can be entertaining. One day you get a call that she wants him off the lease, and then "never mind". You'll forgive me if I don't rush over to do that paperwork with you, but let's let this ride for awhile and see how it plays out. When I see boxes, you get your lease.
One couple at a building we don't live in recently had a baby...he's now on his way out. I try to stay dispassionate to these things, but my first thought was...damn. That kid will never remember their parents together. It only lasts a second, and then you think "I wonder who he slept with" Whatever, "Big Mac you said? I need a letter that he's moving and I can get you a new lease under the old terms"
We set a relationship shot clock when key indicators go off. How long before "we're breaking up and one/both are moving"?
You don't get much privacy in a wood frame building, all snuggled up next to each other. A guy on the 3rd floor has a thing for 80's porn. The first floor? asians. The sexual prowess of one guy in the building that briefly dated another was rated as "less than to be desired" with a face that should serve as a warning to those that would follow. The previous manager used to get railed at around 8 in the morning by boyfriend du jour while others were trying to enjoy their morning coffee.
How do I know this? Because either people talk man.
So how do I know your relationship is coming to an end, possibly before you do? Nothing is new anymore. This may be earth shattering to your world, but for me its a big mac and large fry.
You can usually pick up on a tone change. That happy little couple is now a little 'darker' than before. The first time you pick up on it, you think 'bad day' then, bad week? Then you can hear arguing. Mild at first, but then you catch the hint of "I wish you had never been born" on the morning breeze and wonder if its coming from your building.
The phone rings.
Yeah, its us.
One couple ended without the usual signs. One day she called and said he's moving out. She's going to carry on. He slept with someone else. She got a restraining order. He does not have permission to enter her apartment.
You know what I actually needed to know? He's moving out and does not have permission to enter the apartment. That's it. He could screw his way through the BC Lion's cheerleading line up for all I care. I would question how he pulled that off, but I wouldn't actually care from a business perspective.
But people love to talk.
I then found myself in the uncomfortable position of being the go-between. I was 17 again, and my parents were getting divorced. I tried being nice, but visibly agitated at the whole thing as a hint. It didn't work. Finally I landed on "that letter you signed means I no longer have a relationship with you."
The on again/off again relationships can be entertaining. One day you get a call that she wants him off the lease, and then "never mind". You'll forgive me if I don't rush over to do that paperwork with you, but let's let this ride for awhile and see how it plays out. When I see boxes, you get your lease.
One couple at a building we don't live in recently had a baby...he's now on his way out. I try to stay dispassionate to these things, but my first thought was...damn. That kid will never remember their parents together. It only lasts a second, and then you think "I wonder who he slept with" Whatever, "Big Mac you said? I need a letter that he's moving and I can get you a new lease under the old terms"
Wednesday, 20 June 2012
The Bestest Tenant Ever
This is what happens when you start doing a job without really knowing what you are doing.
Tenant #1.
Fuck me, did we ever screw the pooch on this one. He had just about every red flag you could have. Didn't know to recognize them. Everything we have learned about what to look for in people came from this one person.
So he and his family move in. Things are going ok until his wife takes up crack, apparently again-there's a question to ask, "are you currently recovering from something? Is there a likelihood that you will relapse?"
They get a little behind on rent. We muddle through. And here's why we had problems:
The apartment in question was shit. The bathroom was blue, and you're like, "dude, paint that shit" No...blue bathtub, toilet and sink, sitting on a blue tile floor. The kitchen was small and dark, it was ground floor.
So, lesson #2, you can't put great people into shit product. In fact, we have been really bad at putting shit people into shit product. It's happened a couple of times. Your decision making becomes based on, no one else is going to want this shit.
After they moved, I spent a month re-doing it. It's hot now.
So finally they split up. He moves into a 1 bedroom and she leaves. Things get better. The 1 bedroom was another problem unit, so its nice to have that off the map.
Then, the worst case scenario. He comes to me and says he has bedbugs.
Sidebar: If you've never dealt with these little bastards, consider yourself lucky. They say it has nothing to do with cleanliness and lifestyle if you get them. Awesome. I call bullshit. My nice clean little yuppies may be equally able to get them coming through a wall, but people that clean often and care are going to notice them quicker and deal with their eradication faster. Therefore they aren't going to have more time to transfer them to friends and family.
In my opinion, its a problem of cheap people picking up free shit.
So in this case, his ex came by and stayed for a few days and then tells him, "oh yeah! funny thing I did have bugs in my place now that you mention it"
We get that dealt with. In the process, he managed to blame motherfucking EVERYBODY, but himself. It did make me smile when he had to get rid of every stick of furniture in the place.
At this point, we're on the warpath. We had enough of this shit.
A couple of months go by, and we manage to sneak away over christmas. We get a call from another tenant. HE has bedbugs. Fuck me. He's another story, but needless to say, he wasn't a surprise either. See sidebar above.
So we put a notice out that we are having the dog come through and lo and behold, this guy comes to the door and says, "you know, I just saw one the other day!"
What a fabulous little coincidence! That discovery just happened to coincide with this other guy down the hall.
Unfortunately, its not what you know, its what you can prove. We all knew that he most likely had never gotten rid of the bugs, but couldn't prove it.
In reality, we should have just evicted. If it failed, then it failed.
We spent $1000 heat treating the apartment.
Then about 60 days later, he sounds the alarm. I think I have them again. Thinking that we were under a warranty period. We weren't.
At that point, we were done with this guy. So Dino hatched a plan in concert with the owner.
It's called the "Fuck it, I'm done." plan.
They let him stay for a month for free and then move.
Not as clean and sanitary as we normally like, but here's the thing. If he got bugs again, it was either going to cost another $350ish for spray, plus any additional apartments or $1000 for heat.
And we washed our hands of the biggest cluster fuck. On top of all of that, I think my favorite part was sometimes you could tell that you had just pissed him off and he'd want to snap, but couldn't. He would walk by us in a huff on a couple of occasions, and once I wish he'd have just let go, because I would LOVE to fire back.
Tenant #1.
Fuck me, did we ever screw the pooch on this one. He had just about every red flag you could have. Didn't know to recognize them. Everything we have learned about what to look for in people came from this one person.
So he and his family move in. Things are going ok until his wife takes up crack, apparently again-there's a question to ask, "are you currently recovering from something? Is there a likelihood that you will relapse?"
They get a little behind on rent. We muddle through. And here's why we had problems:
The apartment in question was shit. The bathroom was blue, and you're like, "dude, paint that shit" No...blue bathtub, toilet and sink, sitting on a blue tile floor. The kitchen was small and dark, it was ground floor.
So, lesson #2, you can't put great people into shit product. In fact, we have been really bad at putting shit people into shit product. It's happened a couple of times. Your decision making becomes based on, no one else is going to want this shit.
After they moved, I spent a month re-doing it. It's hot now.
So finally they split up. He moves into a 1 bedroom and she leaves. Things get better. The 1 bedroom was another problem unit, so its nice to have that off the map.
Then, the worst case scenario. He comes to me and says he has bedbugs.
Sidebar: If you've never dealt with these little bastards, consider yourself lucky. They say it has nothing to do with cleanliness and lifestyle if you get them. Awesome. I call bullshit. My nice clean little yuppies may be equally able to get them coming through a wall, but people that clean often and care are going to notice them quicker and deal with their eradication faster. Therefore they aren't going to have more time to transfer them to friends and family.
In my opinion, its a problem of cheap people picking up free shit.
So in this case, his ex came by and stayed for a few days and then tells him, "oh yeah! funny thing I did have bugs in my place now that you mention it"
We get that dealt with. In the process, he managed to blame motherfucking EVERYBODY, but himself. It did make me smile when he had to get rid of every stick of furniture in the place.
At this point, we're on the warpath. We had enough of this shit.
A couple of months go by, and we manage to sneak away over christmas. We get a call from another tenant. HE has bedbugs. Fuck me. He's another story, but needless to say, he wasn't a surprise either. See sidebar above.
So we put a notice out that we are having the dog come through and lo and behold, this guy comes to the door and says, "you know, I just saw one the other day!"
What a fabulous little coincidence! That discovery just happened to coincide with this other guy down the hall.
Unfortunately, its not what you know, its what you can prove. We all knew that he most likely had never gotten rid of the bugs, but couldn't prove it.
In reality, we should have just evicted. If it failed, then it failed.
We spent $1000 heat treating the apartment.
Then about 60 days later, he sounds the alarm. I think I have them again. Thinking that we were under a warranty period. We weren't.
At that point, we were done with this guy. So Dino hatched a plan in concert with the owner.
It's called the "Fuck it, I'm done." plan.
They let him stay for a month for free and then move.
Not as clean and sanitary as we normally like, but here's the thing. If he got bugs again, it was either going to cost another $350ish for spray, plus any additional apartments or $1000 for heat.
And we washed our hands of the biggest cluster fuck. On top of all of that, I think my favorite part was sometimes you could tell that you had just pissed him off and he'd want to snap, but couldn't. He would walk by us in a huff on a couple of occasions, and once I wish he'd have just let go, because I would LOVE to fire back.
Tuesday, 19 June 2012
Idiot of the day...
We were driving into the back parking lot when we saw one of our more colourful tenants standing on a ladder with a large laundry basket pointed towards the second floor balcony above her. We stop...get out..."umm, what are you doing?"
"my cat jumped down onto the balcony below us!" (she lives on the third floor).
So...you are trying to will the cat into a laundry basket?
Shockingly enough, this does eventually work, but not without attracting the attention of the other tenants in the surrounding apartments.
I guess there is always a chance of this happening when you have a cat-friendly buildings....unfortunately, this is the fourth time this has happened with this particular cat and this particular tenant.
My recommendation? Maybe keep your balcony door closed....ya know, the same advice I gave you the last three times this happened.
The Hard Way
People always ask me what "the hard way" is. It is shocking how many tenants I give the speech to DON'T ask me what that "hard way" is....maybe I am scary...maybe they can sense my power...maybe they are just to stupid to throw a well constructed sentence together?
So...what IS the hard way? I use the Italian Donkey for an example:
So...what IS the hard way? I use the Italian Donkey for an example:
I collected letters from neighbour below his suite, across the hall, and next to him (I already have one).
These letters list him disturbing the quiet enjoyment and threatening the health and safety. I get a copy of the 2 police reports and I also write a letter regarding his late payment of rent 3 or more times within the last 10 month and add to the health and safety issue and note that he is chain smoking inside his apartment. This also now become a damage issue. I give his an apt inspection letter....enter and proceed to take photos of all the nicotine stains on the walls, ceilings, windows, etc. and any other damage that I see.
I put together a pretty little package....which in all reality takes me a couple phone calls and about an hour to do. I march over to his door, give him a 30 day eviction notice and how him the package. Tell him what is happening....cause ya know...I dig ruining a dudes day.
He has two option:
1- Take it and move. Uses me as a reference...I am honest. Has issues finding a place because of shitty reference but then learns to not give my name. Clean his apt from top to bottom, make no further issues. Spends hours upon hours trying to rid the apt of all traces of cig smoke...he'll be lucky to get half his deposit back. But, he will leave with his tail between his legs...if he has found a place.
2-Fight it. Fine. This is my fav! He has to take the day off work and go to the Tenancy and to file a wrongful eviction. He pays $50 (which, I know he doesn't have). I get notification and file my own package (see above) with all the reasons I have to evict. At the same time, I also file for an order of possession (which allows me to call a bailiff, claim his shit if he doesnt move, and have the police physically remove him-so much FUN! I love it when dudes cry). We have our arbitration case lay it all out...I must add, this is like clockwork for me. I always win. I Know my shit. This dude goes apeshit on the phone...cause lets face it, they all do. Not only do I win my case, but now he loses his security deposit, has refunds me my $50 that I have to pay to file an eviction notice, I charge him for all the damage and not cleaning (note: I dont hire cheap people), and he has no place to live because not only do I give him a terrible reference, but I also register it on the Tenant Verification website.
So this dude is having to take days off work to file his case, to go to arbitration, and now to find a place b/c with the order of possession, the branch only gives you like 10 days. Meanwhile, I have all the time in the world for a little entertainment.
Wanna fuck up a dudes week, take his house and make him pay you for it.
So remember, when I say do you want the hard way or easy way...Always take the easy way. I don't fuck around...it is truly the easy way. At least then, you get fake smile, maybe a hand shake, and I'll give you and okay reference...hell, you may ever get some of your deposit back. Cause lets put it simple...it aint my money and in the grand of things, a few hundred dollars to the building owners means shit...BUT, a few hundred dollars to a dude that can barely make his rent now is going to fuck him.
And don't forget...I always win. I don't go into a fight unless I know I'm going to win it.
As for the Donkey (above), he got an extra month, he got the smile, and the handshake. Loses about $100 in cleaning (he did an okay job) and can go on living his life with little disruption.
At the end of the day, I don't give a fuck...just get the fuck out. You do it or I do it. The end result will be the same.
These letters list him disturbing the quiet enjoyment and threatening the health and safety. I get a copy of the 2 police reports and I also write a letter regarding his late payment of rent 3 or more times within the last 10 month and add to the health and safety issue and note that he is chain smoking inside his apartment. This also now become a damage issue. I give his an apt inspection letter....enter and proceed to take photos of all the nicotine stains on the walls, ceilings, windows, etc. and any other damage that I see.
I put together a pretty little package....which in all reality takes me a couple phone calls and about an hour to do. I march over to his door, give him a 30 day eviction notice and how him the package. Tell him what is happening....cause ya know...I dig ruining a dudes day.
He has two option:
1- Take it and move. Uses me as a reference...I am honest. Has issues finding a place because of shitty reference but then learns to not give my name. Clean his apt from top to bottom, make no further issues. Spends hours upon hours trying to rid the apt of all traces of cig smoke...he'll be lucky to get half his deposit back. But, he will leave with his tail between his legs...if he has found a place.
2-Fight it. Fine. This is my fav! He has to take the day off work and go to the Tenancy and to file a wrongful eviction. He pays $50 (which, I know he doesn't have). I get notification and file my own package (see above) with all the reasons I have to evict. At the same time, I also file for an order of possession (which allows me to call a bailiff, claim his shit if he doesnt move, and have the police physically remove him-so much FUN! I love it when dudes cry). We have our arbitration case lay it all out...I must add, this is like clockwork for me. I always win. I Know my shit. This dude goes apeshit on the phone...cause lets face it, they all do. Not only do I win my case, but now he loses his security deposit, has refunds me my $50 that I have to pay to file an eviction notice, I charge him for all the damage and not cleaning (note: I dont hire cheap people), and he has no place to live because not only do I give him a terrible reference, but I also register it on the Tenant Verification website.
So this dude is having to take days off work to file his case, to go to arbitration, and now to find a place b/c with the order of possession, the branch only gives you like 10 days. Meanwhile, I have all the time in the world for a little entertainment.
Wanna fuck up a dudes week, take his house and make him pay you for it.
So remember, when I say do you want the hard way or easy way...Always take the easy way. I don't fuck around...it is truly the easy way. At least then, you get fake smile, maybe a hand shake, and I'll give you and okay reference...hell, you may ever get some of your deposit back. Cause lets put it simple...it aint my money and in the grand of things, a few hundred dollars to the building owners means shit...BUT, a few hundred dollars to a dude that can barely make his rent now is going to fuck him.
And don't forget...I always win. I don't go into a fight unless I know I'm going to win it.
As for the Donkey (above), he got an extra month, he got the smile, and the handshake. Loses about $100 in cleaning (he did an okay job) and can go on living his life with little disruption.
At the end of the day, I don't give a fuck...just get the fuck out. You do it or I do it. The end result will be the same.
__________________
The Italian Donkey
What an absolute pile. Just moved today.
He nominated himself for the hitlist by:
Going nuts(cocaine was our guess) in his apartment enough the lady below had to call the police. The first time, we go rushing over to the building and he had already taken off.
Then, his toilet broke. Im my defense, it WAS still functional. He flips the fuck out. I've had people mad, and I've had them angry. He went nuts.
He started calling me and swearing. He called the building owners and left death threats on their answering machine in Italian. He phones me back and I tell him I am going to evict him and report him to the police for leaving death threats. He says, "Why don't I just nail his fucking coffin shut". Nice.
Basically, the little italian hamster in his head went off the wheel.
Then the lady below calls and says he's throwing shit and yelling and swearing.
I'm sorry, I forgot to mention...its 10pm at night. So off we go to meet the police there.
They knock on his door and he starts speaking italian to them. They actually had to ask, "do you speak english?" He answers yes. They ask, "can we?"
So he tells them all about his toilet. They care just about as much as I do. This event has gone way past his pooping needs at this point. I'm there at 10pm, you can use a bucket and I'll still sleep tonight.
The plan is hatched. He's going.
So I gives him "the speech".
"Donkey, do you want to do this the easy way, or the hard way?"
He chose the easy way. Gives a letter, to which I obliges to give him 2 months instead of 1.
The easy way comes with: a smiling face, and a hand shake at the end and we don't have to go through that awkward phase of throwing everything we've got against you at you in a Tenancy proceeding.
And one more coke fueled drama bag bites the dust.
He nominated himself for the hitlist by:
Going nuts(cocaine was our guess) in his apartment enough the lady below had to call the police. The first time, we go rushing over to the building and he had already taken off.
Then, his toilet broke. Im my defense, it WAS still functional. He flips the fuck out. I've had people mad, and I've had them angry. He went nuts.
He started calling me and swearing. He called the building owners and left death threats on their answering machine in Italian. He phones me back and I tell him I am going to evict him and report him to the police for leaving death threats. He says, "Why don't I just nail his fucking coffin shut". Nice.
Basically, the little italian hamster in his head went off the wheel.
Then the lady below calls and says he's throwing shit and yelling and swearing.
I'm sorry, I forgot to mention...its 10pm at night. So off we go to meet the police there.
They knock on his door and he starts speaking italian to them. They actually had to ask, "do you speak english?" He answers yes. They ask, "can we?"
So he tells them all about his toilet. They care just about as much as I do. This event has gone way past his pooping needs at this point. I'm there at 10pm, you can use a bucket and I'll still sleep tonight.
The plan is hatched. He's going.
So I gives him "the speech".
"Donkey, do you want to do this the easy way, or the hard way?"
He chose the easy way. Gives a letter, to which I obliges to give him 2 months instead of 1.
The easy way comes with: a smiling face, and a hand shake at the end and we don't have to go through that awkward phase of throwing everything we've got against you at you in a Tenancy proceeding.
And one more coke fueled drama bag bites the dust.
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