That's right folks! It's apartment inspection time!
We try to do this once a year to discourage monthly/weekly/daily complaints about non-emergency or random maintenance problems like a closet sticking or a small drip from a faucet. We group issues together and knock down the list when we are slow. To be honest...we don't really care. Let's be honest, the fact your closet doesn't open smoothly enough for you liking has no impact on my life....having a meth lab in your closet does.
We are in the middle of a losing battle: tenants smoking pot in the building. Everyone gets the same speech. We don't want to see it, smell it, or suspect it. Go for a walk. A long walk. I don't want to stand on my balcony and see you standing on the sidewalk below rocking is like you are at a Grateful Dead concert. This shit is still illegal, it stinks, and it affects your neighbours. So, in the last few months, the smell of pot has increased. Solution? Inspection under the guise of looking for maintenance problems. Go us!
The downfall of not being totally honest with our tenants about the reason for this inspection are the laundry lists left for us or verbalized TO us as we enter everyone's apt. About 70% of our building are people that we have put in. They are, for the most part, in their late 20s and early 30s, professional, clean, responsible, respect us, and are all sitting in renovated apartment. None of them have any complaints or maintenance issues and none of them were suspected of doing any illegal activities in their suites. We go in, shoot the shit, reiterate the drug policy of the building and move on. These people are a pleasure to deal with and are desirable to all building/property managers. As for the remaining 30%? Not so much.
Everyone seems to think that the Gen-X or Gen-Y, or even the Gen-Z, generations are full of whiny, needy, selfish people who blame everyone else for their problem. I am not going to totally deny that, but in our experience, these people are great renters. If we are sticking with this gen-alphabet scenario, Gen-W (currently aged 40-50...maybe 55) renters are self-entitled whiny bitches. They tend to drink a little more, don't seem to have a problem with doing laundry in their underwear, don't understand this thing called a 'computer', and their biggest thrill in life is solving the final puzzle on Wheel Of Fortune every night. They all pay below market value (an entirely different problem), have shitty furniture, and none of them appear to own a mop and bucket.
These people leave is lists of complaints! Like....lists and lists. You name it, it is on it. Shit that they fucked up themselves is on there - yes, one tenant who decided to paint their walls got paint on their ceiling...I guess that is my problem now. There were complaints that the flooring is not even (the building has settled since it was built 50 years ago)! Yes....let me get on that for you...let me re-level the building's foundation so you can continue to pay $800/month for your apartment ($350 below market value)! Along with these absurd issues, some tenants seem to think that it is our responsibility to clean their apartment. We had 3 tenants (within that 30%) tell us that their curtains are dirty...either from cat hair (their cat) and/or dust/grime (from them not cleaning). Adding to this, one tenant told me that her oven needs to be replaced because it is dirty. Umm, every heard of oven cleaner, honey? It brings me great joy to crack out, "actually, it is the responsibility of the tenant to clean and maintain a level of cleanliness of their rental unit". Why would someone ever think that I would spend my time cleaning THEIR place? It is always someone else's fault as to why they live in filth.
So, once we wade through trivial items like those above, we look for anything that may be related to smoking pot. Lighters, small clumps of ashes, ashes around windows, incense, small snips or scissors, rolling papers, pot grinders, etc. Second apartment in, JACK-POT! Sitting there in the living room next to the couch in a little ashtray and nice little fat roach. Quick smell to confirm....YUP, that's a roach. It should be noted, this tenant hates us...she has been previously blogged about. I can't even express to you how excited we are to get to talk to her about it. She walks around the building thinking the sun shines out of her ass. The previous manager (who has also been blogged about) use to treat her like a fucking queen. No clue why. She pays her rent at 11:59pm on the 1st, her apt looks like a over-stuffed junk/thrift store, and the bitch is rude. The convo was epic...you could see it in her eyes when her stomach dropped and her ass clenched. She does not wear the shade of grey she turned all that well.
So far....7 days since the inspection and we are looking good. Our bedroom no longer fills up with pot smoke every night at midnight and no more complaint about the smell from our tenants. The bitch tenant has also seemed to have a change of heart towards us and now understands that no matter how much of a cunt she is, we will always win. Obedience breeds victory.
There are a few things I have realized doing this job (and specifically conducting inspections). 1.) So many people live in filth! I'm not talking about not doing your dinner dishes from the evening before, or missing that weeks vacuuming/bathroom cleaning routine or having a full laundry basket....I'm talking about plain old disgusting filth. Splatter marks on the walls, dust as thick as a carpet under your dinner table, cat fur stuck to EVERYTHING, not sleeping on bed sheets or having pillows without cases, food on the floor, moldy McDonald's cups, moldy shower curtains, piss on the floor around the toilet, etc. 2.) Some choose the most ridiculous things to bitch about. You don't like the tile on you kitchen floor, but are okay with having a molding fish tank full of dead fish. Or, we are standing in the middle of this shit-hole flop house and you are talking to me about your curtains. Does not compute. 3.) The less rent you pay...the more likely you are to bitch. I can't explain this one. I don't get it. 4.) Bed frames no longer appear to be a popular piece of furniture. SO MANY people sleep on a mattress on the floor. Metal bed frames are, like, $50. Go buy one. This will help you avoid pests like bedbugs. 5.) Some people have no shame. Highlight: a perfectly made bed with gigantic cums stains. Hot. We don't call him Charlie Sheen for nothing.
Monday, 16 July 2012
Tuesday, 10 July 2012
Stupid Girl
So we have this woman, that's a hiiint of an alcoholic. By hint, I mean 'way'. But functional. Well, except our first week on the job when she was escorted home by police. Functionality is a sliding scale. She was never quite bad enough to be on the hitlist.
So, a year goes by and she complains about little things and is kind of annoying, but whatever. Then, we start seeing this strange dude huffing and puffing his way through the halls.
No sooner do we get an anonymous letter under the door.
Oh yeah. This guy used to live here. Oh! This guy was busted smoking crack in the laundry room. Hot.
So down we go for a little conversation. We are informed that he doesn't live here, and understand that there is a process he'd have to go through in order to do so.
Over the next months, we monitor his activity, and it does indeed look like he lives here. But please keep in mind, I'm too stupid to notice. :rolleyes:
So finally a few months ago, my partner in crime sees him having small talk with another building loser. He's fumbling for his keys and the other guy says, "oh, you live here, its cool" as dino walks by and says,
"well thats a bit of a question now, isn't it?"
So today, we are in the lobby, and out of the corner of my eye I see him at the front door...but then I don't. It hits me to go to the back door. And I see him...then I don't.
I think to myself, "Oh dude, you are shitting me!"
So I busy myself in the car for a sec, and then go inside, then go back out and I see him hobbling around the corner and then turn around again.
Once again, to myself I ask, "what the fuck is this?"
Now, I must stop for a second. I did well in school. I went to post-secondary. I had a promising career before quitting it to work for myself. I'm not going to be a member of mensa, but I can hold my own at a dinner party. I guess what I'm saying is, I'm not an idiot and can realize that someone doing this:
THREE fucking times is fucking bullshit.
And I HATE bullshit. I think I hate it more than anything else. I'd actually have more respect for someone saying they gambled their rent money on a nigerian business scheme that promises amazing results more than a bullshit lie. I would like to see the lie that's better than that, but I respect honesty.
So, we continue to the grocery store, and I'm fuming mad.
And when I'm fuming mad...I like resolution.
So we get home and I knock on the door.
me"hey, your boyfriend home?"
them"yeah, just a second"
It was way more of a second as they were questioning inside just what the fuck I was there for. So he comes out.
me"hey! what was that display downstairs earlier?"
Dumbfounded look
me"oh, you know, where you were trying to avoid me? Why were you trying to avoid me?"
and silence.
silence
and silence
them"Well, I don't like you"
Good fucking answer! You are like the best at digging your self out of a bad situation.
me"And why is that?"
And stop. I stand there. In silence, waiting for his mind to produce the next glimmer of excellence.
In order for me to have dinner at some point tonight, I finally let him off that hook.
me"Let me help you out. Is it because you've been living here for the last year, and you know that we are on to you? Is it because you didn't want me to see you using a set of keys to my building that I did not provide? Could that be it? Because I'm a little curious of how you could not like me seeing as I know you don't even know me. The reason I know you don't know me is I certainly don't know you. And that is a problem, because as we have established, you've been living in my building."
You want to see a stunned, deer in headlights look in a human? Rattle that off in their face. I have a skill...I can motherfucking talk...fast. And I continue with the death kill:
me"So how do you like me now?"
So they tell me I'm wrong. He doesn't actually live here.
Ok.
me"Where do you live?"
them"Burnaby"
me"Cool. That narrows it down. Can i have an address?"
And here is the kicker that does it in...
them"Well, who are you going to report it to?"
This becomes very important in the after action analysis.
The conversation continues, and boils down to the following. You have options:
1. He fills out an application, goes through the same credit check/reference check as everyone else. Approval is not guaranteed. We also amend your rent as its no longer single-occupancy.
2. You move-one way or another :troll:
OR YOU TELL ME AN ADDRESS WHERE HE FUCKING LIVES!
I leave them with..."I'm home all evening and would like an answer"
So, at this point...I've basically handed you the answer. Why do I do this? Because I would feel as guilty as punching a blind man otherwise. Lie to me! Make up a fucking address. I'll still prove that you lied, and if you still don't like me after that, then I don't know what I can do. At least I get to work on it. A project if you will. The internet is an all knowing place filled with wondrous information. And I was a little bit looking forward to slapping you in the head with it.
But about 20 minutes later she's now at my door. Cool. I don't usually like conducting business at my door, but the guy across the hall could use a reminder of what I'm capable of, so I let it slide.
them"You know, this is ridiculous. He doesn't live here"
Oh shit. The record is skipping again.
me"You know, he admitted that he does. And if he lives somewhere else, all I need is an address."
them"Well, he doesn't have anything here, just his clothes"
Oh. This helps.
me"His clothes, so he does live here"
them"no, he just stays here"
I could still be circling through the conversation now if I wanted to be, but I had to cut it short. I say,
"First don't make that face at me, my eyes are right here. Next, your options are (what was listed above) so why don't you go back downstairs and put some effort into your story and get on the same page. Come back up when you have something credible. I still want an answer tonight, because as mentioned, you've been pulling this shit off for a year, and it ends one way or another tonight."
She called back in 10 minutes and gave her notice.
Sidebar: The "who ya gonna report it to" comment
It took us a few minutes to realize what was happening. I'm not sure on the specifics, but can assume that seeing as I barely see anyone work that someone is getting government checks...checks that might stop, or be decreased because of the new living arrangement.
So we can't have me pissed off, or asking questions and we certainly can't do a credit check.
So instead, to continue the scam, we lose our house.
Hope its worth it.
Sunday, 24 June 2012
Happy Mother's Day!
She was nice, clean, quiet, and a single mother of a 1-2 year old son. She moved into one of our good un-renovated one bedroom apartments and we forgot that she was there until about 4-5 months into her tenancy. It first started with a late payment of her rent. Okay…not a huge deal, sometime it happens. Then it happens again a few months later…and then again a few months later. We gave warning letters, talked to her, and then started to issue “10-day pay to stay” notices.
Now, usually people like this would not stick around very long, but we don’t like to kick tenants out right away who have children. Call it stupid, or say we are push-overs, but it is hard to do especially when you know their resources are limited. We knew her day would come so there was no rush.
Her late rent (1-2 days) became more frequent and we noticed that she was not around as much. She told us that she was spending more and more time with her baby-daddy so I made the decision to strike next time she was late.
We had received a call on our intercom phone from the police at the front door on Mother’s Day. “Hi, it’s the police, can you let us in the building”. I buzz them in and we quickly put out shoes on to go walk through the building to find out where they are going. Now, police coming to the building isn’t entirely rare. Every few months we get a call like that and they are usually here to serve someone some papers or to get a statement from a tenant who has witnessed something (always boring reasons). By the time we walked the building, they were gone. Whatevs.
An hour later it happens again…okay, random. We do the walk again and get to the third floor and hear them banging on this chicks door. No answer. They leave. I go out on our deck and look down to see 3 police cars and 4 officers milling around the front of the building….good thing I was not showing any suites that day. We hear fragments of a conversation between them talking about “beat-up pretty bad” “assault” “not home”, etc… They call us again to enter the building, knock again, no answer, call her, no answer, then asked us what car she drives, and when does she usually come home, etc. They leave.
An hour later (again) we notice that she is home and shortly after the cops are back. They buzz, we let them in and I run downstairs and hide behind the firedoor to eavesdrop. “You are under arrest for assault and battery”. Cool. Child is scream, she is crying, I have my ear plastered to the door. Now probably isn’t the best time to let our presence be known.
The whole situation took over and hour as they had to phone CPS to take the child (that was not fun to watch). We had a birds-eye view of the whole ordeal as we stood on our deck watching her get carted away in the back of the cop car hand-cuffed.
We issued her an eviction notice the next day. Happy Mother’s Day!
Now, usually people like this would not stick around very long, but we don’t like to kick tenants out right away who have children. Call it stupid, or say we are push-overs, but it is hard to do especially when you know their resources are limited. We knew her day would come so there was no rush.
Her late rent (1-2 days) became more frequent and we noticed that she was not around as much. She told us that she was spending more and more time with her baby-daddy so I made the decision to strike next time she was late.
We had received a call on our intercom phone from the police at the front door on Mother’s Day. “Hi, it’s the police, can you let us in the building”. I buzz them in and we quickly put out shoes on to go walk through the building to find out where they are going. Now, police coming to the building isn’t entirely rare. Every few months we get a call like that and they are usually here to serve someone some papers or to get a statement from a tenant who has witnessed something (always boring reasons). By the time we walked the building, they were gone. Whatevs.
An hour later it happens again…okay, random. We do the walk again and get to the third floor and hear them banging on this chicks door. No answer. They leave. I go out on our deck and look down to see 3 police cars and 4 officers milling around the front of the building….good thing I was not showing any suites that day. We hear fragments of a conversation between them talking about “beat-up pretty bad” “assault” “not home”, etc… They call us again to enter the building, knock again, no answer, call her, no answer, then asked us what car she drives, and when does she usually come home, etc. They leave.
An hour later (again) we notice that she is home and shortly after the cops are back. They buzz, we let them in and I run downstairs and hide behind the firedoor to eavesdrop. “You are under arrest for assault and battery”. Cool. Child is scream, she is crying, I have my ear plastered to the door. Now probably isn’t the best time to let our presence be known.
The whole situation took over and hour as they had to phone CPS to take the child (that was not fun to watch). We had a birds-eye view of the whole ordeal as we stood on our deck watching her get carted away in the back of the cop car hand-cuffed.
We issued her an eviction notice the next day. Happy Mother’s Day!
Saturday, 23 June 2012
Yes, We Actually DO Have Good Tenants
Here are a couple:
Tenant 1:
Two of the buildings are our main priorities so to speak. There is the flagship which is where we live, and mini-me down the road. Owned by the same people and both are under the same system. They were neglected for years, so as apartments come available, they get re-done. I personally put a butt load of work into them.
And then I hand it off to a tenant, and hold my breath. Did we do well?
Well, with the three horsemen, we did well.
The first time it happened, I'm not gonna lie, I could have shed a tear. She had moved in, and unpacked. I went in to grab some papers, and it literally looked like I had designed the apartment for her furniture. NOw, I know-I technically designed the apartment template that I use for everyone's furniture, but go with it.
It looked incredible! Designer furniture and a nice imac in the corner. My favorite part was there was a closet that I actually put a bit of work into. It had been set up as a pantry closet with a lot of shelves, and I had taken them all out, painted them all white and had the wall color in behind. She opens it and had turned it into a shoe closet-almost like "thanks! I AM going to put that effort to use and turn it into a display closet, instead of dumping some cans of spagettios in there"
At the other building, there were two guys that moved in that had the same thing. Nice furniture that blended so well with the colors we chose and their apartments are spotless.
It really impresses me that people want to choose this apartment, as opposed to just any one that will do because they appreciate the details, the workmanship and the materials.
Tenant 2
She annoys me sometimes, but not for the usual reasons. She is always friendly, and really understands that there is a difference between conversations regarding work, and just conversations between us.
She was our first really good tenant, and has lived here for 2 years. Her problem is, she really needs someone to guide her through life-because man, she does some crazy shit sometimes.
She has actually called and had to ask us to go in her place to turn the oven off-twice. What?
Car was going to be towed for parking on the street without insurance. What?
It goes on and on.
But here is the thing-she is always, ALWAYS appreciative of help. I can't remember what I did, but she came to our place that evening with a big thing of food for me. That wasn't even required, as a sincere thank you is more than I get from other people.
I do get really annoyed with the attitude of, "well, its your job-so get on it"
Ok. Well, in MY jobS on any given day I am behind. I wake up in the morning and I'm already late for work, and probably behind schedule.
So that's what I find on the list of the great people, which is increasing with every rental. They understand that I'm busy, and they appreciate when I stop my thing to help them out.
Compared to another person that FUCKING HATES ME, when she has an issue in her apartment, its awkward AS FUCK to be in there, I get this feeling that its my fault that the problem happened in the first place and its never enough.
She needed a plug replaced. OK. Easy job. Then she starts talking that all of them really should be replaced. Yeah, and I'm sure I can paint it out while I'm here, gut the bathroom and hose out your kitchen too.
Fuck off-with a smile!
Tenant 1:
Two of the buildings are our main priorities so to speak. There is the flagship which is where we live, and mini-me down the road. Owned by the same people and both are under the same system. They were neglected for years, so as apartments come available, they get re-done. I personally put a butt load of work into them.
And then I hand it off to a tenant, and hold my breath. Did we do well?
Well, with the three horsemen, we did well.
The first time it happened, I'm not gonna lie, I could have shed a tear. She had moved in, and unpacked. I went in to grab some papers, and it literally looked like I had designed the apartment for her furniture. NOw, I know-I technically designed the apartment template that I use for everyone's furniture, but go with it.
It looked incredible! Designer furniture and a nice imac in the corner. My favorite part was there was a closet that I actually put a bit of work into. It had been set up as a pantry closet with a lot of shelves, and I had taken them all out, painted them all white and had the wall color in behind. She opens it and had turned it into a shoe closet-almost like "thanks! I AM going to put that effort to use and turn it into a display closet, instead of dumping some cans of spagettios in there"
At the other building, there were two guys that moved in that had the same thing. Nice furniture that blended so well with the colors we chose and their apartments are spotless.
It really impresses me that people want to choose this apartment, as opposed to just any one that will do because they appreciate the details, the workmanship and the materials.
Tenant 2
She annoys me sometimes, but not for the usual reasons. She is always friendly, and really understands that there is a difference between conversations regarding work, and just conversations between us.
She was our first really good tenant, and has lived here for 2 years. Her problem is, she really needs someone to guide her through life-because man, she does some crazy shit sometimes.
She has actually called and had to ask us to go in her place to turn the oven off-twice. What?
Car was going to be towed for parking on the street without insurance. What?
It goes on and on.
But here is the thing-she is always, ALWAYS appreciative of help. I can't remember what I did, but she came to our place that evening with a big thing of food for me. That wasn't even required, as a sincere thank you is more than I get from other people.
I do get really annoyed with the attitude of, "well, its your job-so get on it"
Ok. Well, in MY jobS on any given day I am behind. I wake up in the morning and I'm already late for work, and probably behind schedule.
So that's what I find on the list of the great people, which is increasing with every rental. They understand that I'm busy, and they appreciate when I stop my thing to help them out.
Compared to another person that FUCKING HATES ME, when she has an issue in her apartment, its awkward AS FUCK to be in there, I get this feeling that its my fault that the problem happened in the first place and its never enough.
She needed a plug replaced. OK. Easy job. Then she starts talking that all of them really should be replaced. Yeah, and I'm sure I can paint it out while I'm here, gut the bathroom and hose out your kitchen too.
Fuck off-with a smile!
Friday, 22 June 2012
One Hit Wonders
This is for all the people that aren't worth a story of their own, but comical none the less.
What Did You Say to M...
This guy will definitely warrant a story, but I'm refraining from posting about current people. But this is just too funny.
Background: This guy takes a lot of effort. He borrows shit, borrows toilet paper to take a shit, complains about everything(there is one thing, but its too specific to his identity but trust me, you would roll your eyes-oh fuck it-he complained the popcorn texture on his ceiling was causing a large amount of dust. W.T.F?)
He's having a conversation with Dino-just run of the mill small talk which I swear is at the level of working in a bar the amount of useless talking we do. Mentions an issue with something that actually is legitimate. Before Dino can finish the sentence of, "yeah, I know, we are having problems getting someone in to fix it..." he turns around in a huff and walks away.
Dino tries to let it go, but then hears his front door slam shut in a rage.
Tries to let it go again, and then finally drops what she's doing and knocks on the door. Cuts him off before hello, I'm sorry can pass his lips and tears him a new one:
I don't want to hear it. Any of it. I'm officially done with your shit show. You complain about everything, you are rude to me and we have bent over backwards to try to work with you. In fact, you owe Grid a huge thank you, because if it wasn't for him, I would have had your ass out of this building months ago.
Then she turns and walks away. He apologized later and we have yet to see if his demeanor changes.
Sex
Had to talk to a newer couple about the loudness, and frequency of their sexual relations. Complaints were coming in from all over the building. A guy was dying, and still took time to complain.
Always wondered why she was so chipper in the morning.
Drugs
One guy had left his small time dealer operation set up in the kitchen during a scheduled inspection-including scale and baggies with burned roaches in the living room.
He ended up living in the building for a total of 30 days.
Victory is life.
and Tears
Awkward time when a woman you barely know is crying on your shoulder.
Oh, and...
Porn
One dude had a basket of 80's porn mags in his bedroom when he wasn't there and we were doing an inspection.
Enough said.
What Did You Say to M...
This guy will definitely warrant a story, but I'm refraining from posting about current people. But this is just too funny.
Background: This guy takes a lot of effort. He borrows shit, borrows toilet paper to take a shit, complains about everything(there is one thing, but its too specific to his identity but trust me, you would roll your eyes-oh fuck it-he complained the popcorn texture on his ceiling was causing a large amount of dust. W.T.F?)
He's having a conversation with Dino-just run of the mill small talk which I swear is at the level of working in a bar the amount of useless talking we do. Mentions an issue with something that actually is legitimate. Before Dino can finish the sentence of, "yeah, I know, we are having problems getting someone in to fix it..." he turns around in a huff and walks away.
Dino tries to let it go, but then hears his front door slam shut in a rage.
Tries to let it go again, and then finally drops what she's doing and knocks on the door. Cuts him off before hello, I'm sorry can pass his lips and tears him a new one:
I don't want to hear it. Any of it. I'm officially done with your shit show. You complain about everything, you are rude to me and we have bent over backwards to try to work with you. In fact, you owe Grid a huge thank you, because if it wasn't for him, I would have had your ass out of this building months ago.
Then she turns and walks away. He apologized later and we have yet to see if his demeanor changes.
Sex
Had to talk to a newer couple about the loudness, and frequency of their sexual relations. Complaints were coming in from all over the building. A guy was dying, and still took time to complain.
Always wondered why she was so chipper in the morning.
Drugs
One guy had left his small time dealer operation set up in the kitchen during a scheduled inspection-including scale and baggies with burned roaches in the living room.
He ended up living in the building for a total of 30 days.
Victory is life.
and Tears
Awkward time when a woman you barely know is crying on your shoulder.
Oh, and...
Porn
One dude had a basket of 80's porn mags in his bedroom when he wasn't there and we were doing an inspection.
Enough said.
Thursday, 21 June 2012
Lovers(In a Dangerous Time)
I love watching people live their lives, and there is a certain 'access' you get to the details that you just don't get when you can barely remember your neighbors name.
We set a relationship shot clock when key indicators go off. How long before "we're breaking up and one/both are moving"?
You don't get much privacy in a wood frame building, all snuggled up next to each other. A guy on the 3rd floor has a thing for 80's porn. The first floor? asians. The sexual prowess of one guy in the building that briefly dated another was rated as "less than to be desired" with a face that should serve as a warning to those that would follow. The previous manager used to get railed at around 8 in the morning by boyfriend du jour while others were trying to enjoy their morning coffee.
How do I know this? Because either people talk man.
So how do I know your relationship is coming to an end, possibly before you do? Nothing is new anymore. This may be earth shattering to your world, but for me its a big mac and large fry.
You can usually pick up on a tone change. That happy little couple is now a little 'darker' than before. The first time you pick up on it, you think 'bad day' then, bad week? Then you can hear arguing. Mild at first, but then you catch the hint of "I wish you had never been born" on the morning breeze and wonder if its coming from your building.
The phone rings.
Yeah, its us.
One couple ended without the usual signs. One day she called and said he's moving out. She's going to carry on. He slept with someone else. She got a restraining order. He does not have permission to enter her apartment.
You know what I actually needed to know? He's moving out and does not have permission to enter the apartment. That's it. He could screw his way through the BC Lion's cheerleading line up for all I care. I would question how he pulled that off, but I wouldn't actually care from a business perspective.
But people love to talk.
I then found myself in the uncomfortable position of being the go-between. I was 17 again, and my parents were getting divorced. I tried being nice, but visibly agitated at the whole thing as a hint. It didn't work. Finally I landed on "that letter you signed means I no longer have a relationship with you."
The on again/off again relationships can be entertaining. One day you get a call that she wants him off the lease, and then "never mind". You'll forgive me if I don't rush over to do that paperwork with you, but let's let this ride for awhile and see how it plays out. When I see boxes, you get your lease.
One couple at a building we don't live in recently had a baby...he's now on his way out. I try to stay dispassionate to these things, but my first thought was...damn. That kid will never remember their parents together. It only lasts a second, and then you think "I wonder who he slept with" Whatever, "Big Mac you said? I need a letter that he's moving and I can get you a new lease under the old terms"
We set a relationship shot clock when key indicators go off. How long before "we're breaking up and one/both are moving"?
You don't get much privacy in a wood frame building, all snuggled up next to each other. A guy on the 3rd floor has a thing for 80's porn. The first floor? asians. The sexual prowess of one guy in the building that briefly dated another was rated as "less than to be desired" with a face that should serve as a warning to those that would follow. The previous manager used to get railed at around 8 in the morning by boyfriend du jour while others were trying to enjoy their morning coffee.
How do I know this? Because either people talk man.
So how do I know your relationship is coming to an end, possibly before you do? Nothing is new anymore. This may be earth shattering to your world, but for me its a big mac and large fry.
You can usually pick up on a tone change. That happy little couple is now a little 'darker' than before. The first time you pick up on it, you think 'bad day' then, bad week? Then you can hear arguing. Mild at first, but then you catch the hint of "I wish you had never been born" on the morning breeze and wonder if its coming from your building.
The phone rings.
Yeah, its us.
One couple ended without the usual signs. One day she called and said he's moving out. She's going to carry on. He slept with someone else. She got a restraining order. He does not have permission to enter her apartment.
You know what I actually needed to know? He's moving out and does not have permission to enter the apartment. That's it. He could screw his way through the BC Lion's cheerleading line up for all I care. I would question how he pulled that off, but I wouldn't actually care from a business perspective.
But people love to talk.
I then found myself in the uncomfortable position of being the go-between. I was 17 again, and my parents were getting divorced. I tried being nice, but visibly agitated at the whole thing as a hint. It didn't work. Finally I landed on "that letter you signed means I no longer have a relationship with you."
The on again/off again relationships can be entertaining. One day you get a call that she wants him off the lease, and then "never mind". You'll forgive me if I don't rush over to do that paperwork with you, but let's let this ride for awhile and see how it plays out. When I see boxes, you get your lease.
One couple at a building we don't live in recently had a baby...he's now on his way out. I try to stay dispassionate to these things, but my first thought was...damn. That kid will never remember their parents together. It only lasts a second, and then you think "I wonder who he slept with" Whatever, "Big Mac you said? I need a letter that he's moving and I can get you a new lease under the old terms"
Wednesday, 20 June 2012
The Bestest Tenant Ever
This is what happens when you start doing a job without really knowing what you are doing.
Tenant #1.
Fuck me, did we ever screw the pooch on this one. He had just about every red flag you could have. Didn't know to recognize them. Everything we have learned about what to look for in people came from this one person.
So he and his family move in. Things are going ok until his wife takes up crack, apparently again-there's a question to ask, "are you currently recovering from something? Is there a likelihood that you will relapse?"
They get a little behind on rent. We muddle through. And here's why we had problems:
The apartment in question was shit. The bathroom was blue, and you're like, "dude, paint that shit" No...blue bathtub, toilet and sink, sitting on a blue tile floor. The kitchen was small and dark, it was ground floor.
So, lesson #2, you can't put great people into shit product. In fact, we have been really bad at putting shit people into shit product. It's happened a couple of times. Your decision making becomes based on, no one else is going to want this shit.
After they moved, I spent a month re-doing it. It's hot now.
So finally they split up. He moves into a 1 bedroom and she leaves. Things get better. The 1 bedroom was another problem unit, so its nice to have that off the map.
Then, the worst case scenario. He comes to me and says he has bedbugs.
Sidebar: If you've never dealt with these little bastards, consider yourself lucky. They say it has nothing to do with cleanliness and lifestyle if you get them. Awesome. I call bullshit. My nice clean little yuppies may be equally able to get them coming through a wall, but people that clean often and care are going to notice them quicker and deal with their eradication faster. Therefore they aren't going to have more time to transfer them to friends and family.
In my opinion, its a problem of cheap people picking up free shit.
So in this case, his ex came by and stayed for a few days and then tells him, "oh yeah! funny thing I did have bugs in my place now that you mention it"
We get that dealt with. In the process, he managed to blame motherfucking EVERYBODY, but himself. It did make me smile when he had to get rid of every stick of furniture in the place.
At this point, we're on the warpath. We had enough of this shit.
A couple of months go by, and we manage to sneak away over christmas. We get a call from another tenant. HE has bedbugs. Fuck me. He's another story, but needless to say, he wasn't a surprise either. See sidebar above.
So we put a notice out that we are having the dog come through and lo and behold, this guy comes to the door and says, "you know, I just saw one the other day!"
What a fabulous little coincidence! That discovery just happened to coincide with this other guy down the hall.
Unfortunately, its not what you know, its what you can prove. We all knew that he most likely had never gotten rid of the bugs, but couldn't prove it.
In reality, we should have just evicted. If it failed, then it failed.
We spent $1000 heat treating the apartment.
Then about 60 days later, he sounds the alarm. I think I have them again. Thinking that we were under a warranty period. We weren't.
At that point, we were done with this guy. So Dino hatched a plan in concert with the owner.
It's called the "Fuck it, I'm done." plan.
They let him stay for a month for free and then move.
Not as clean and sanitary as we normally like, but here's the thing. If he got bugs again, it was either going to cost another $350ish for spray, plus any additional apartments or $1000 for heat.
And we washed our hands of the biggest cluster fuck. On top of all of that, I think my favorite part was sometimes you could tell that you had just pissed him off and he'd want to snap, but couldn't. He would walk by us in a huff on a couple of occasions, and once I wish he'd have just let go, because I would LOVE to fire back.
Tenant #1.
Fuck me, did we ever screw the pooch on this one. He had just about every red flag you could have. Didn't know to recognize them. Everything we have learned about what to look for in people came from this one person.
So he and his family move in. Things are going ok until his wife takes up crack, apparently again-there's a question to ask, "are you currently recovering from something? Is there a likelihood that you will relapse?"
They get a little behind on rent. We muddle through. And here's why we had problems:
The apartment in question was shit. The bathroom was blue, and you're like, "dude, paint that shit" No...blue bathtub, toilet and sink, sitting on a blue tile floor. The kitchen was small and dark, it was ground floor.
So, lesson #2, you can't put great people into shit product. In fact, we have been really bad at putting shit people into shit product. It's happened a couple of times. Your decision making becomes based on, no one else is going to want this shit.
After they moved, I spent a month re-doing it. It's hot now.
So finally they split up. He moves into a 1 bedroom and she leaves. Things get better. The 1 bedroom was another problem unit, so its nice to have that off the map.
Then, the worst case scenario. He comes to me and says he has bedbugs.
Sidebar: If you've never dealt with these little bastards, consider yourself lucky. They say it has nothing to do with cleanliness and lifestyle if you get them. Awesome. I call bullshit. My nice clean little yuppies may be equally able to get them coming through a wall, but people that clean often and care are going to notice them quicker and deal with their eradication faster. Therefore they aren't going to have more time to transfer them to friends and family.
In my opinion, its a problem of cheap people picking up free shit.
So in this case, his ex came by and stayed for a few days and then tells him, "oh yeah! funny thing I did have bugs in my place now that you mention it"
We get that dealt with. In the process, he managed to blame motherfucking EVERYBODY, but himself. It did make me smile when he had to get rid of every stick of furniture in the place.
At this point, we're on the warpath. We had enough of this shit.
A couple of months go by, and we manage to sneak away over christmas. We get a call from another tenant. HE has bedbugs. Fuck me. He's another story, but needless to say, he wasn't a surprise either. See sidebar above.
So we put a notice out that we are having the dog come through and lo and behold, this guy comes to the door and says, "you know, I just saw one the other day!"
What a fabulous little coincidence! That discovery just happened to coincide with this other guy down the hall.
Unfortunately, its not what you know, its what you can prove. We all knew that he most likely had never gotten rid of the bugs, but couldn't prove it.
In reality, we should have just evicted. If it failed, then it failed.
We spent $1000 heat treating the apartment.
Then about 60 days later, he sounds the alarm. I think I have them again. Thinking that we were under a warranty period. We weren't.
At that point, we were done with this guy. So Dino hatched a plan in concert with the owner.
It's called the "Fuck it, I'm done." plan.
They let him stay for a month for free and then move.
Not as clean and sanitary as we normally like, but here's the thing. If he got bugs again, it was either going to cost another $350ish for spray, plus any additional apartments or $1000 for heat.
And we washed our hands of the biggest cluster fuck. On top of all of that, I think my favorite part was sometimes you could tell that you had just pissed him off and he'd want to snap, but couldn't. He would walk by us in a huff on a couple of occasions, and once I wish he'd have just let go, because I would LOVE to fire back.
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