Saturday, 8 October 2011


These two are classed in "so not what we were expecting".

Dino showed them, and I signed the lease with them. As I was signing the lease, I had a bad feeling that I didn't like them. Dino had agreed to allow them to paint the unit, as I didn't have time to do so. He kept asking questions about being reimbersed for paint and the entire affair left me with an uneasy feeling-like I was getting scammed.

A little time goes by, and they fall off the radar.

Then we walk past their unit, and pretty much slow down like watching a car accident, we witness the abomination. When Dino was showing them, she was sure to emphasize "neutral, rentable colors".

What we got was greek restaurant on crack. Bright blue on the walls and ceiling, dark blue trim and fuscia accent walls. All painted poorly.

So we start trying to contact them, but they hadn't actually moved in yet. And we decide that we are certainly not paying for this shit. So we know there is a battle coming.

The battle came at the end of the month. Their first month. Their only month. They summoned us for a meeting. They open the door and hand us a paper(ransom list?) of issues, receipts totaling $400 for paint and supplies and tell us they are moving. Today. They also tell us they have bed bugs-which is apparently my fault.

The conversation takes a slightly negative tone as we just say no. You aren't walking out on a minutes notice and with a check for $400 for bright blue and pink paint.

He starts to annoy the shit out of me. He starts telling us exactly what our rights are in the RTA(a real annoyance) and putting words in our mouth. I told him when signing the lease, that because he mentioned that he is sensitive to environmental allergies, that if he needed to leave the building, that we would look at ending his lease for him. How nice am I?

The list on his manifesto of environmental allergens was:

-The lawn guys use gasoline powered lawn mowers, and the exhaust gives him headaches
-The light in the kitchen is flourescent and causes headaches
-dining room light is hanging precariously, falling apart
-cleaners used in hallway causes headaches and smells like bleach(it was Pine sol)
-unable to open dining room window because its next to the laundry vent and causes what? Headaches. I didn't move that, so it was totally there when they looked at the place

The entire manifesto is written to mitigate issues that I'm going to have, telling me I should have no problems renting the apartment in its current colors.

As we are talking, we are getting nowhere. Anything we say is immediately cut off by him, and "but it needs to be this way".

We go away for awhile and try to decide what to do. We are leaning heavily towards just taking him to arbitration, but in that case, he keeps the keys and continues to have access to our building. At this point, we have no idea what he's capable of.

So we try for a negotiated settlement.

I can usually "break" people. I find if you can get someone to at least admit that your position is reasonable, not right or wrong, but at least reasonable, then its not a huge jump from reasonable to being in the best case for us all.

I have no luck. He stares at you with a blank expression. No. The girl on the other hand, who we not so nicely nicknamed squeegee, is a bit more reasonable, and Dino goes for her in a woman-to-woman conversation, relaying between us, the "unreasonable" men. I play it up, being unreasonable and loud, letting Dino be "good cop".

Hot damn! I love our job.

So, they come to a conclusion. We gave up a little and they gave up a lot.

She continued to say things like, "well that's the law" We'll give you the keys back at midnight, because "that's the law". It drives me nuts. In fact, I was in back breaking down a box as she comes to talk to me and I get so mad I start destroying the box and tear a strip off of her.

So. We still had bed bugs right?

We have our pest guy come and take a look, and he immediately calls bullshit. They have one in a jar. We tell them that they will come back with a dog at 11 the next day(the day they are moving) and check further.

We have a terrible nights sleep. The next day, Dino knocks on their door at 10:30am and she opens the door and yells, "its not 11am yet!" and Dino and her end up yelling so loudly I hear her 2 floors up.

He has so nicely taken the time to already write us up in the bed bug registry. One in a jar and apparently I'm infested.

They have all their items bagged up on the balcony, I'm assuming to contain the infestation.

We have an awkward final meeting when they return the keys. We had to have a long drawn out letter stating the circumstances of how and why they were leaving, which for their benefit had to be signed by all parties. He then made us write in how many keys were returned.

No bye. No, "I'm sorry this didn't work."

As they go to just turn and leave, I put a huge smile on my face and say, "thanks guys. Have a nice life!"

They pack their meager shit in the cab like they are evacuating Beirut and tear off.

The dog inspects the unit. Not a single bed bug. Nothing. No droppings, no eggs, nothing.

I think they did have bed bugs, and I think they brought them in. They then bagged up their shit and took them right back out.

It was either that, or they jarred one for show and tell.

We learned a lot from them. Once again, that first instinct is the best instinct.

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