Miss 20%

We had just taken over the building. Usually, it takes a while for a building to fall into line. We operate fully on the 80/20 rule. For those that don't know, the 80/20 rule means that 20% of our tenants cause 80% of the problems. So, at a new building, the sooner people nominate themselves to the 20% group, the better.

No one in our experience had nominated themselves faster to the 20% club than this crazy bitch.

We get a call that there is a fight at the building. The crazy bitch forgot her keys, and starts knocking on windows and buzzing everyone in the building to get in. Another tenant comes out and tries to find out whats happening, and she busts past him and runs to her apartment. More chaos ensues until she finally gets back in and the other guy goes home.

A little bit about our little sweetie. My mother would describe her as "gomeless" She's british, I work with it. Basically, she looks at you like she's struggling to understand your words. She's younger, but works at a shit job and contributes nothing to the world except being a prime customer for the local drug dealer.

And she just made a blip on the radar.

We check the mail slot in the office one night, and the tenant that unfortunately let her in, has given us a letter. It actually contains the letter that he witnessed her sliding under his door from his car.

It contains racial slurs, tells him to fuck off, go back to x country you stinky fuck. Your typical hate speech, sprawled in angry big block letters.

You'd almost ask, "why u mad bro?"

It becomes time to introduce ourselves to them, through a monthly inspection!

And that's when we hear from the charming boyfriend. He calls us, and immediatly starts yelling about why we are inspecting their apartment. Dinosaur(my partner, for those just joining us) stays incredibly calm on the phone. They were told before by the owner that they need to clean their unit and we're following up.

He starts yelling and swearing, and hangs up, then calls back to get angry again.

"he says, "I'm going to deny entry. You can't come in."

And Dinosaur, in classic fashion, very simply says, "you can be there, or you can not be there. You can block entry to the door all you want, but our situation will be that much worse at the end of the day. I'm not going away."

So we decide to both be there, for a little back up.

Their apartment is a disaster. Little miss is standing in the middle of chaos and clutter looking like she belongs.

Then we discuss the cat. Its a no pet building, so by definition, the cat in this mess shouldn't exist. She says that they paid a pet deposit, so the cat shouldn't be an issue. We ask her to look for the receipt, and we'll check at the office.

Oh, someone is also squatting in the dining room.

Then we run into them in the hall, all 3. The friend is staying "for a few weeks", and we ask about the receipt for the pet deposit, and they tell us, "we got rid of the cat". OK. Tough love. The boyfriend, the entire time has the look of hate on his face. He does his best work on the phone. In person, he's short, and doesn't have the balls to get into a confrontation.

Out of the blue, Dino gets a call from her, and she starts going off about the pet deposit. We've stolen it, and she's going to get a lawyer and sue us. Dino starts laughing and 'click', hung up on again.

Ok.

I thought they said they got rid of the cat?

Everything always comes to a head at the beginning of the next month. Writing a check to people you hate always motivates change, I guess.

They moved. The squatting friend is going to take the apartment. This is the solution we get on the phone. Dino says, "well I'm not accepting rent from someone I don't know, so I'll evict him for squatting." And he returns with "well, then I live there." To which Dino says, "well then I evict you for breach of peace" And he actually says, "but I moved out"

So this kid is trying to out smart us? WHAT?

Here's what his mind produces for logic:

The cat's an issue. I don't have the cat. But you stole my pet deposit, which would entitle me to have the cat

I'm an issue. Well I don't live there. My friend lives there. We don't want him either. Then I do live there.

Finally, as bizarre as this story started, it ended. They all abandoned the apartment.

No more contact.

We go inside and discover....

They were growing weed in the bedroom! Not huge amounts, but enough that it would be a pain in the ass to have to move it all for an inspection. Enough that I'm sure it made him angry to do so. Angry enough to lash out.

And finally, they decided that it was easier to move to some other place and start all over again.

And so, this just reconfirmed for us; if you give someone enough rope, they'll hang themselves.