Tuesday, 19 June 2012

The Italian Donkey

What an absolute pile. Just moved today. 

He nominated himself for the hitlist by:

Going nuts(cocaine was our guess) in his apartment enough the lady below had to call the police. The first time, we go rushing over to the building and he had already taken off. 

Then, his toilet broke. Im my defense, it WAS still functional. He flips the fuck out. I've had people mad, and I've had them angry. He went nuts. 

He started calling me and swearing. He called the building owners and left death threats on their answering machine in Italian. He phones me back and I tell him I am going to evict him and report him to the police for leaving death threats. He says, "Why don't I just nail his fucking coffin shut". Nice. 

Basically, the little italian hamster in his head went off the wheel. 

Then the lady below calls and says he's throwing shit and yelling and swearing. 

I'm sorry, I forgot to mention...its 10pm at night. So off we go to meet the police there. 

They knock on his door and he starts speaking italian to them. They actually had to ask, "do you speak english?" He answers yes. They ask, "can we?"

So he tells them all about his toilet. They care just about as much as I do. This event has gone way past his pooping needs at this point. I'm there at 10pm, you can use a bucket and I'll still sleep tonight. 

The plan is hatched. He's going. 

So I gives him "the speech". 

"Donkey, do you want to do this the easy way, or the hard way?" 

He chose the easy way. Gives a letter, to which I obliges to give him 2 months instead of 1. 

The easy way comes with: a smiling face, and a hand shake at the end and we don't have to go through that awkward phase of throwing everything we've got against you at you in a Tenancy proceeding. 

And one more coke fueled drama bag bites the dust.

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